Fuck you. We barely talk anymore, and we’re obviously not as close as before. You said that wouldn’t happen and I was stupid enough to believe you. We never hang out anymore, and I feel like I’m the one always the one to start our coversations, never you. I don’t even have a straight forward opinion of you anymore!! If anyone asks me what I think about you my mimd would go blank, I’ve thought about you so much that it’s just a mix of emotions that oddly create nothing. Fuck you, it’s not your fault at all, I just have a huge difficultly letting parts of people go. Fuck you, this summer we’ll probably barely hang out and talk like you said we would. God, I don’t even know if I like or hate you anymore, isn’t that terrible? I’m done, I’m taking a break from you. I don’t know how long it will be, a few days, a week or so? We’ll see.

Dear Denny, 

I believe love is word thrown around far too often by immature pre-teens talking to their friends at bus stops, on social networking sites and written repeatedly in the back of their school books with little hearts drawn around the name of their latest crush. 
This is not what I wanted my life to be. But that’s something I cannot talk about right now. I’m sorry. 
I’m writing to you because I think you will listen and not judge. 
I myself believe I sound a little mad, I guess this is what happens when you’re left alone with your thoughts for too long. 
I’m going to call you Denny, if that’s okay. I’ve always loved that name; it feels like a safe name, and i need somebody to talk to. 
Until next time, 
xo

Someone asked me what was the craziest thing I have ever done in my life and for a moment I thought of coloring my hair red whilst my sun-kissed complexion; or my addiction to colleting film cameras, to photo walks and  meeting strangers; Strangers from the most mundane to the unearthly and notable. Then it hit me like “eureka” reverberating in my mind – you. 

              You were the perfect stranger. Living in a virtual reality we both understood. 

    I never asked you if you believe in destiny. Do you? I do. I believe that out of thousands of people all around the world, we finding each other is destiny. It could have been someone else but it wasn’t. We were destined to mark on each other‘s page so as we are destined to move on different chapters separately. Sometimes I think what if I could go back. Rewrite everything. Sadly I can’t, and all I can do is keep the memories and let linger in my dreams.

        Do you ever think of me? Ever wonder how I’m feeling, if I’m good, happy and yada,yada,yada. I still think of you. Frankly I wish that you find it in your heart to look back and maybe, just maybe, you’d miss me.  Desperate people go to certain measures like how I delude myself that you will comeback. That you were just abducted by aliens brainwashed to forget about us, about me. But then again, memories can be altered but not the heart of man in love.

If destiny permits that we see each other again and the story of abduction were true, please be then informed that I love you.  I love how we were schoolmates. How you were younger than I and how you’ve chosen to meet me beside the old fountain on December 1st. I adored that fountain like how I adored the stories you make, the wise decisions and indecisions, the pranks, the craziness and your laughter which simply take my breath away. I would never forget how you would joke around and say you’ll always think of me when you’re too lazy to draw buildings because I inspire you.

  Remember, 9 days after, you inspire me too. We were then inseparable. You were like a brother, a best friend and most of all you were mine as I was yours. There would be no better Christmas gift than finding someone who will love you for who you are. Someone who will never make you feel alone.  Someone that will make you smile and promises to be on your side. Someone that feel like home.  

    And then the season change like it always does. January 12, 2012, “I’m sorry, I can’t love you anymore.”

  My heart skipped a beat and slowly died down until I could no longer hear it. I love you and I believe that somehow you did too. And yes it’s crazy. Falling in love with you by far would be the craziest thing I have ever done in my life. I still hurt, and still trying to move on. But one thing’s for sure, I’ll find something if not someone crazier than our December affair. 

God knows how much I miss you,

XXXXX

He asked if I was jealous and I said, “I’m not jealous, trust me on this. I just hope she’ll be good to you, because- I would treat you good, so good. I just hope she’ll do better than me (cause you deserve it). That’s all.” I’d bring you flowers, sing you to sleep, tuck you in, everything. Cause I have this urge to. I’ll let go, I think. Just, the world feels like I’m in a movie when I’m with you, a happy one. Like when we danced on the frozen lake alone in winter, chased fireflies this summer- and everything was beautiful. And when our bodies were together, it felt so amazing and right. The best. I know she’ll take up a lot of your time. I’m gonna miss talking with you a lot. You’re so smart. I guess I’m kind of jealous because she has something that makes her more lovable than me (that I’ll never know). I love you buddy and I’ll always be there for you because I can’t help that I love you. 

Can you recommend some good theme-makers? Please leave me a message.

I need a new, cute theme.

Stop it. I might fall in love again with you.