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I hate the word relapse.
Today my mum said to me that I’ve pretty much relapsed into my phobia today. I can understand where she is coming from, because I have eaten 5 bowls of cereal already today, but that is because I chose to. Tomorrow I am 99% sure that I will be back to more “normal” eating habits (you can never be 100% sure of anything in my opinion).
I’ve had a really big realisation today, actually. This is how I lived for 6 years- eating bowls of vitamin- and mineral-enriched processed breakfast cereals and nothing else. Maybe a satsuma or two at Christmas if I was feeling brave. I’ve been reflecting a lot today, because I know that not so long ago I didn’t believe I could eat anything “normal” and then one day I just woke up and I wasn’t scared any more. I wasn’t scared of eating food that would nourish my body. I don’t know what it was that triggered this sudden motivation to be the best I possibly can, but I am so grateful that it has finally happened. I feel really comforted today, though. Like when you see an old friend or a family member for the first time in years.
So I think it isn’t a relapse at all, I’m just just visiting an old friend for the day.