I think anybody that has struggled with the notion and dark thoughts of depression for prolonged periods of time at some point comes more to a feeling that they would rather not exist or could peacefully not wake up. But you have to try and understand that you work differently. There’s no shame in that, and there’s nothing in that, that should make another person make you feel unwanted or unloved. Being different is strange, and growing up, a lot of times being different is awful. Those memories are the ones you tend to keep when you grow up. As hard as it is, you need to try and move forward. It doesn’t happen overnight, it is something you work on from day to day. I’ve been called broken. I’ve been called insane. I’ve been called deranged and all sorts of things. The most important thing isn’t what you’re called or how anyone else sees you. It’s how you see yourself. It’s our own little type of insanity. Even if I’m not awesome most days, I’m still awesome in my head. It makes a difference to have that degree of confidence in yourself. Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote about loving your neighbor. He said that the love of the neighbor was an avoidance of the love of yourself. That if you’re going to love your neighbor as yourself, you have to love yourself first. A love that is foisted upon neighbors is a love that seeks to escape it’s creator. A love of oneself that bleeds into ones neighbor is a true love. Love yourself first, and you will want to share yourself with anyone you encounter. You need to love yourself. Extend to yourself the kindness that you extend to everyone else. It’s ok to make mistakes sometimes. It’s ok to sometimes not be something you’re proud of. But you’re you. You can be proud of that. And if it’s not something you like, you can work on changing it into something different. Try not to forget that there is a lot of beauty in the world which balances, if not overwhelms the dark side of humanity.