A Real Education

So the past few days I have been attending the Landmark Education Forum. I won’t go too much into details about what it is etc. Needless to say that it’s something I think everyone should experience.

However, I do want to share what I was able to take away from it, and the kind of profound moments I had over the weekend. One of the first things that really struck a cord with me was this idea of how we are in the “stands” of our lives, instead of actually being “in the game”. It’s like we are observers and never really taking action. I really relayed that to my health. I want to be healthy, and to inspire others to be healthy, which is the major reason I started this blog.

But when I sat and thought about this, I’m not being really authentic with that. I don’t eat as healthy as I should sometimes, I struggle with weight issues, and I find excuses to not get on my mat and practice, or to hit the gym, or a class etc. Excuses, excuses, excuses. It’s all just “noise”. So I realized that I need to get on the field and get in the game.

This other idea of how we are always listening to others through these filters of “right and wrong” or being “dominated and avoiding domination”. I realized that I do that even with my Yoga practice and my nutrition. I am letting something dominate me, and I try to look good so I avoid doing it and facing the reality of it.

It all comes down to the fact that I’m not honoring my self worth, and I’m most certainly not honoring my words. I’m basically being pretty lazy and hypocritical.

Out of this came this breakthrough that I want to be open to the possibility of well being and vitality. That I am open to the possibility of and commit to being healthy and to inspire others to be healthy.

I spent many years in the Beauty Industry as a hair stylist and makeup artist, and this is a very artificial and superficial business. I tried to be everything that others wanted, to be perfect, to “look good” for others. I was killing myself just to try to impress others.

So throughout this weekend, we had this chance to share our “problems” with others and I was always very superficial. I touched on it but never really opened up and never authentically shared. I was still trying to “look good” I started to get frustrated on the last day because I didn’t feel I was being “transformed” or “being authentic” or even really “sharing”.

On the last day, graduates of previous forums are invited to come. They sit next to the person that they inspired to be there. When it came time to share, I was sitting next to absolutely no one. At first, I was like “Whew, now I don’t have to share, I don’t have to open up, I can just sit here in my stuff and no one has to know what Ive been thinking this whole weekend”

Just as I thought that, a graduate who was standing in the back, came over and sat next to me for the last three hours of the class. Over those three hours we chatted, shared a little etc. I finally had this lightbulb moment where I was like, I have to be authentic here, or I’m never going to get over this, and start to transform. So I opened up, and this is what I told him:

I am being completely inauthentic with my body. I have stuggled with an eating disorder for years, even when I was little. I attempt to eat healthy, and then I’ll have a binge day where I just eat horribly, and sometimes literally everything in sight. Then the next two days or so, I will feel so bad; physically, emotionally, and mentally. I will then starve myself because it makes me feel better, feel thinner, etc.

This disease was way worse in the past because when I was working in the Beauty Industry there was this pressure to be perfect. And I got positive reinforcements from people because I was so skinny! “Wow, I wish I was as thin as you!” or ”I wish my stomach was as flat as yours” etc. I remember for years eating less than a 1000 calories a day, and working out like a fiend.

Yoga and Meditation has really helped me to curve some of this, and to get a better handle on this disease. However, I still feel like I have a long way to go. I’m still in the stands and now it’s time to take action and get in the game. I am making a declaration to be a healthy person, and to inspire health in others. I can have the body I want by eating healthy and working out regularly, all in healthy ways.

Another point that Landmark drove home was everything in this world is nothing and everything at the same time. It’s all white noise, because nothing matters. Once you get that, you can then move forward. I can do whatever I want to create this transformation, because nothing matters. I dont’ have to be afraid because nothing matters.

Here is the real interesting part. The guy who sat next to me, that I finally opened up to was there for his friend. His friend bailed out of the last three hours of the seminar but my new friend went anyways. If his friend had stayed in the seminar he most likely would have sat next to him, instead of me! So it was pure coincidence. I firmly believe that people come into your life for a particular reason and at just the right time. I believe in guardian angels and higher powers, and I really think that my angels sent this guy to me at that moment because they knew I needed him right there and then to get healthy.

It’s funny to think that I didn’t openly share over this whole weekend and to this point. Then it hit me, I held on to this a LOT longer than three days, Ive been holding on to it for yeas because of shame. That’s the main reason you don’t hear about men having eating disorders either: SHAME! Once I release this, once I can tell to others, once I share this, I am being “authentic” and I am “taking action” and I am “honoring my words”.

Now that I’m honest with myself, and being authentic it made me realize that I can transform into the realm of possibility of being healthy and inspiring others to be healthy. I am now thinking that I want to find ways to use Yoga and Meditation to help others with eating disorders. My goal has been for a while that I want to open a Wellness Center - Yoga, Meditation, Reiki, Nutrition and Holistic Therapies. I see now that will be a huge beacon to those struggling with the same disease as myself. I finally feel like I really am on the right path with this.

I commit to being healthy, and inspiring others to be healthy.