Is this relevant?
- Me: What grade are you in?
- Little boy: .....April Fools...
- The mother laughed so much when I told her what her son answered to my question.
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I was a bit mean to my nephew yesterday.
- We had just gotten to my sisters house and he found one of her workout dumbell things and picked it up. (He's five btw.)
- Wyatt: Aunt Jessie, what's this?
- Me: A dumbell.
- Wyatt: What's that?
- Me: Well, if you can pick it up that means you're dumb.
- Wyatt: -grinning and laughing like a madman on steroids- What!? No it doesn't! You're lying to me!
- Me: -Innocently shaking my head- No I'm not, that's what it's for.
- Wyatt: -sits the weight next to me.- Okay fine, then you pick it up.
- Me -Takes a deep breath- Okay..... -fakes lack of ability to pick up a three pound weight thing.- I can't, that means I'm smart.
- Wyatt: That's not what mommy says.
- Me: Touche blondie.
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My 8 year-old cousin after seeing a commercial for the annoying orange;
- My cousin: That's just gross.
- Me: What is?
- My cousin: His teeth are all yellow. He's going to die.
- Me: ...
- My cousin: ...
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“I just feel so bad for the lady in Orphan. I mean she’s a 31 year old in a 9 year old’s body and all she ever wanted was to be loved. That’s why she was evil.”
— My little sister -
“Well at first my sore throat hurt like a bee-sting, but then later it was more like a ant bite, and today it’s just like a mosquito bite.”
— 8-year-old boy simultaneously (1) describing “How bad his sore throat was” and (2) inventing an insect-bite-based pain scale. -
“Sex. Sex. Sex on the Beach. Sex. Sex. Sex on the Beach.”
— 5th Graders from my Elementary School singing that ridiculous song. 5th GRADERS -
Why Babysitting is the Shiz
SCENE 1:
One of the kids I babysit for, who is 6, sits on the merry-go-round next to this other boy, who is 5 and already has an extremely thick Southern accent. They had just met about 20 minutes ago.
My kid to other kid: “Hey, guess what?”
Other kid: Begins drumming with his hands on his lap and completely ignores question. Turns, “Hey, do you know how to do this?” Then starts frantically slapping his knees again.
My kid: Very sincerely, “Did you know that you’re my best friend?”
Other kid: Still hitting himself, he again ignores statement. “Angry Birds is the best. At my house you and I can play it.” Begins to realize that slapping himself hurts.
My kid: “Yeah, you’re my best friend.”
SCENE 2:
One of the triplets, the leader/talker, who begins each sentence with, “You know, um, you know…”, is being pushed on the swing by me.
Kid: “You know, um, you know that my mom says that she and daddy went to a bowling room before I was born.”
Me: “Oh really? Do you like to bowl?”
Kid: Ignores question. “Um, you know, um, that my mom and daddy were born-edded before I was. And we (other kids and him) was waiting in heaven until the Jesus and God born-edded us.”
Me: Taken aback by this I don’t know what to say: “…oh, wow!”
Kid: Starts talking really fast, and I can only hear him when he swings back toward me. “Um, you know…you know, um…there was a fire, and we were in the fire in da house and…got burn-edded and then we was born-edded…you know, um, God and Jesuses was there and…mommy says not to ask…you know, um, because she didn’t want to tell us how a baby got in her tummy…you know…um, okay, I’m done.” Jumps and runs off suddenly and I am left mystified and fighting the urge to burst out laughing.
I’m finally realizing that kids are seriously the best. These weird yet hilarious/entertaining moments happen every day, all the time. I love it. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I don’t get to see them every day/week anymore.
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i love babysitting.
- Luke (holding silly putty): Hey Ben, is this poison?
- Ben: Luke, what do you think? It's from China!
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Local?
- Working at a popular tourist attraction like the SF Zoo, I've met a lot of people from around California, the states, and even some international people. When I'm painting the children's faces, I like to make them comfortable by asking them simple questions about themselves. This day, I asked the children where they are from, or if they live in San Francisco. I got a couple memorable responses...
- INCIDENT #1
- Me: So where are you from?
- Little Girl: The United States of America.
- INCIDENT #2
- Me: So where are you from?
- Little Boy: California.
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there are none so blind as Stevie Wonder
