YOU KNOW WHATS MANLY? CUDDLING.
YOU MIGHT BE SAYING “HEY MAN CUDDLING ISN’T MANLY“ WELL THEN YOU SHOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP SHITWEED, I’M TALKING, AND INTERRUPTING IS IMPOLITE FUCKERS.
CUDDLING IS AS MANLY AS A DOLPHIN WITH TANKTREADS THAT SHOOTS ROCKETS OUT ITS MOUTH WHILE PLAYING BAD COMPANY OUT IF ITS SPEAKERS THAT ARE ALSO EYES
FIRST OFF MAGGOTS YOU HAD TO GET CUDDLING CONSENT. THATS A TASK IN ITSELF. YOU PROVED TO YOUR MALE/FEMALE/GENDER NEUTRAL PERSON THAT YOU ARE A MOTHERFUCKER WORTHY TO BE CUDDLED WITH. THAT PROBABLY INVOVLED MANY TRIALS INCLUDING FEATS OF STRENGTH, SLAYING A SABRETOOTH TIGER, AND BEATING BATTLETOADS.
CUDDLING IS ALSO FUCKING AWESOME, ITS LIKE THE FEELING YOU GET AFTER SLAYING A HORDE OF ORCS WITH YOUR BARE HANDS, BUT BETTER!
AND IT SHOWS YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE GODDAMN PERSON, YOU CARE SO FUCKING MUCH THAT YOU SPEND TIME JUST FUCKING LAYING THERE AND HOLDING THEM TO YOUR CHEST AND NEVER MOTHERFUCKING LET GO.
NINJAS ATTACK? YOU AIN’T GONNA FUCKING LET GO BECAUSE YOU’RE A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO CUDDLE, FIGHT NINJAS AND SAVE THE PRESIDENT. (YOU WILL LET GO IF THEY ASK, OR TO GET THEM A GLASS OF WATER BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE CLASSY MOTHERFUCKING GENTLEMAN)
THEN THE NEXT DAY YOU CAN BRAG ABOUT IT YOUR BROS
“HEY BRO WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?”
“ME AND MY SPECIAL SOMEONE CUDDLED LIKE THE WHOLE FUCKING NIGHT”
“RADICAL!”
“RIGHT BRAH? PLUS WE ATE DELICIOUS FUCKING PIZZA AND WATCHED DOCTOR WHO BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT MY FAVORITE SHOW I KNOW HE/SHE/THON APPRECIATES IT”
“YEAH! MOTHERFUCKING CONSIDERATION”
AT THAT POINT YOU CAN PROCEED TO HAVE A CHEST BUMP THAT WILL DEEMED WORTHY BY BROSIDON KING OF THE BROCEAN.
THATS WHY CUDDLING IS MOTHERFUCKING MANLY.
*SHOOTS ROCKET LAUNCHER AT GROUNDS AND BLASTS INTO THE SUNSET*
