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"When people ask me, “Would your act work if you didn’t look the way you do?” I have no idea. Like, my birthday is three days before Christmas and people would always say, “Do you get screwed over, does that suck?” And I have no idea. Because I’ve never had a birthday in June. You know what I mean? I just went up and started doing this and it sort of worked organically for me." -Anthony Jeselnik
i identify with anthony jeselnik, being ridiculously good looking and having a december birthday… also we both love The Road Warrior.
Love Letter to Kara Crabb
After reading Kara Crabb’s article “Pee in my mouth” on Vice.com, I felt compelled to write her: “I came across your urine drinking article when it was posted on tumblr, and after reading that, and a couple more or your articles, I can’t help wondering where you’ve been all of my life. Well, yeah, Canada I suppose, which might explain why we never cross paths, being that I’m in Los Angeles. Plus, my handlers keep a close eye on me, so I don’t often get out. Between your sarcasm, wit, intelligence, and the fact that you just might have ADD, and be a little bent, you’d be just the kind of girl to take home to mom, and I like that. But obviously, I don’t like my mom, so it’s very much a win/win. But in spite of the fact that I walk my own path (although that path often ends at the electric fence), and I’m not opposed to interracial dating, or dating someone from Canada for that matter, (to hell with the opinions of others!) you are there, and I am here, so I suppose that I shall be content to follow your articles. I’ll keep an eye out. Take care, Rock Rims.”
Today, my heart sang with joy when I found out she had read my letter (Ok, my heart didn’t sing with joy, I just got a mean hard-on, but I’m trying to wax poetic here.) Even though she gave me the psuedonym of “Bradley” when she re-printed my letter in her most recent article, (as if…) , I was still thrilled at the thought of Kara acknowledging my existence. (And yes, I still had the erection). And so, today I decided to take my show on the road. All of those many, many viewings of “Shawshank redemption” have finally paid off, and I have begun my journey to Canada, in hopes of meeting Kara. I road a railcar early this morning, then hitched a ride with some Jehovah’s Witnesses, so it’s obvious that my love is real, or else that I really wasn’t quite ready to leave my handlers. I had to breakdance for enough money to sit at his cybercafe and type this update, but I know that all my efforts will be worth it.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO WHITEN HER TEETH...
Some people may have felt disgust by Kara Crabb’s article “Pee in my mouth” on Vice.com, (which was also re-posted on Tumblr.com) which endorsed the use of urine for as a health aide, including gargling with it because it supposedly works great as a tooth whitener. Of course on the other hand, there’s always going to be a handful who will get turned on by such an idea, as well as the very curious who will be inspired to drink plenty of fluids and test the theory on an unsuspecting friend who is passed out on the floor from the previous night’s beer bash.
But for me, I just felt a little relieved. A few years back, while visiting my then-girlfriend, I got up from where I was sitting and was about to head to the bathroom. I only took a few steps before my girlfriend stopped me by putting her hands on my chest. She then started undoing my belt after dropping to her knees. Now I was faced with a dilemma. Go to the head… Or get head? I’m a guy, so it was an easy choice. About 30 minutes later, just when I thought I was about to climax, I got the sudden thought that it wasn’t cum that I was about to unload. So I wasn’t as surprised as she was that she now got a mouthful and faceful of urine. She was putting her hands up as if to too block it, but that just caused the stream to spray into her eyes and hair. I resisted the strong urge to burst out laughing while I was apologizing for the accident.
Although it’s not like I wake up on some nights in a cold sweat after having a nightmare about the incident (she might), I still think of it from time to time, and I feel a little twitch of guilt about it. Well, after I stop laughing of course.
So thank you, Kara Crabb, because now I see that I no longer have to feel a bit of guilt, because now I see, that whether I had cum or pissed, either way, all I would’ve been doing is to help whiten her teeth.