i’m tired of being sorry..

I hate my life. 

Fuck family.
Fuck friends.
Fuck school.
Fuck everyone & everything.

Why doesn’t anyone ever

…

i give up what’s the goddamn point but if you don’t know the world is shit already i don’t know what to say, my friend

i get through one day after another because all the days are the same: awful, awful; nothing but trash and people i would like very, very much to destroy, to crumple, to watch their blood shimmer over my skin, coat it, watch their bone crack and their flesh turn crimson.  but i get through a day because i remember there is a chance i can have everything else go away and pretend to be somethin’ else for an hour, more; a chance to make my fears disappear because it’s oh-so-lovely in the imagination when you’re no longer the one talking; someone else in their own world takes your throat and your voice and you express them in all they are.

yeah, the world is shit.

i learned that a long time ago.

but sometimes you have to give into your shadow, and once it consumes you, you see everything differently, dearest.  the darkness appeals more because you just.  stop.  caring about anything at all that resides in the light.

which my doctor told me was like 20-30 pounds….

awesome. 

gonna wear yoga pants and athletic shorts for the rest of my life apparently. 

but he said I can stop taking it for summer and we can just do it as a seasonal thing. so here’s hoping I can quickly lose this weight. 

um woah ok　

it’s not i was going to win anything anyways

i just fucking hate myself for not haveing a dress

i’m posting deprssing shit tonight kiddos

oh well 　

I swear I feel so fucking unwanted lately it’s ridiculous…
People suck, relationships suck, fuck everything…
I seriously just fucking wish I was good enough for fucking anyone at this point.
I hate being so fucking lonely….