“So fuck you, MRAs. Fuck you for showing up every time women speak, especially about rape and abuse, and trying to make it all about you. Fuck you for derailing threads about the victims of Marc Lépine, a man who screamed about his hatred for feminists as he murdered fourteen women and injured many others, because you also hate feminists and want a fucking cookie for not killing anyone. Fuck you for making rape and death threats against young women who dared to protest a speaking engagement by a man who thinks little girls would enjoy being raped by their fathers if it weren't for society telling them it's dirty. Fuck you for whining about how unfair it is that women might wonder if you're a rapist when you approach them out of nowhere, while completely ignoring how unfair it is that women feel the need to be on guard all the time in public. Or that if we relax and behave normally—drinking, dancing, dressing however we want—you will be the first motherfuckers in line to blame us for getting ourselves raped. Fuck some of you for being so contemptuous of women, you don't even believe in convicting rapists. Fuck all of you for doing your very best to propagate myths that make it harder for women to be safe—that we're a bunch of lying temptresses who bang hapless men and file bogus rape charges for the lulz, for instance, or that we get into perfectly even fights with our hardworking, loving husbands, then call the cops and have them arrested because we're spiteful bitches. Fuck you for blaming women, feminists, the legal system, and men who aren't misogynistic assholes for your own inability to relate to other human beings in appropriate ways.”—Fuck You, Men’s Right’s Activists by Kate Harding
“I am tired of trying to have an intellectual discussion about dog-whistle sexism in a culture where prominent politicians are still trying to grasp what rape is. I am tired of being called a shrieking harridan for pointing out inequalities so tangible and blatant that they are regularly codified into law. I am tired of being asked to "cite sources" proving that sexism is real. Allow me to point at the fucking library. What are you supposed to say when the 8,000th faux-incredulous jackass throws you the same argument about the wage gap or the draft or bumbling dads in Tide commercials—as though holding each of their hands individually through the empirical facts of the world around us is a worthwhile use of my time. I'm not a feminist by choice, I'm a feminist because this is the world.”—Lindy West for Jezebel, Sexism Fatigue
from 'If I Admit That 'Hating Men' Is A Thing, Will You Stop Turning It Into A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy?'
Part Four: A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On
Feminists do not want you to lose custody of your children. The assumption that women are naturally better caregivers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not like commercials in which bumbling dads mess up the laundry and competent wives have to bustle in and fix it. The assumption that women are naturally better housekeepers is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to make alimony payments. Alimony is set up to combat the fact that women have been historically expected to prioritize domestic duties over professional goals, thus minimizing their earning potential if their “traditional” marriages end. The assumption that wives should make babies instead of money is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to get raped in prison. Permissiveness and jokes about prison rape are part of rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want anyone to be falsely accused of rape. False rape accusations discredit rape victims, which reinforces rape culture, which is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be lonely and we do not hate “nice guys.” The idea that certain people are inherently more valuable than other people because of superficial physical attributes is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to have to pay for dinner. We want the opportunity to achieve financial success on par with men in any field we choose (and are qualified for), and the fact that we currently don’t is part of patriarchy. The idea that men should coddle and provide for women, and/or purchase their affections in romantic contexts, is condescending and damaging and part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be maimed or killed in industrial accidents, or toil in coal mines while we do cushy secretarial work and various yarn-themed activities. The fact that women have long been shut out of dangerous industrial jobs (by men, by the way) is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to commit suicide. Any pressures and expectations that lower the quality of life of any gender are part of patriarchy. The fact that depression is characterized as an effeminate weakness, making men less likely to seek treatment, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be viewed with suspicion when you take your child to the park (men frequently insist that this is a serious issue, so I will take them at their word). The assumption that men are insatiable sexual animals, combined with the idea that it’s unnatural for men to care for children, is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want you to be drafted and then die in a war while we stay home and iron stuff. The idea that women are too weak to fight or too delicate to function in a military setting is part of patriarchy.
Feminists do not want women to escape prosecution on legitimate domestic violence charges, nor do we want men to be ridiculed for being raped or abused. The idea that women are naturally gentle and compliant and that victimhood is inherently feminine is part of patriarchy.
Feminists hate patriarchy. We do not hate you.
extract from this article.
jezebel and the phenomenon of using tumblr users' words, largely those of woc, without asking
so today, we got a message here on AAGU about a jezebel article where the user had seen our name. the jezebel article is about the mindy project and how all of mindy’s love interests on the show are white. the article then goes on to say:
A poster on the tumblr Angry Asian Girls United wrote a post defending Kaling when a reader called the show whitewashed:
she’s a darkskinned woman of color with her own show. she’s the first south asian-american woman who has done this. her entire existence and success are against white supremacy. the fact that she is where she is as far as success on TV is not something white people like or something that white people in charge of TV are actively working towards ensuring (some of them are actively making sure it doesn’t happen actually). she could do better with the show, but i also don’t think it’s fair to expect her to shoulder that burden by herself, considering the exceptional position she’s in right now.
i’m sure some of you remember this post from a few days ago when i responded to someone saying the mindy project was whitewashed and in particular, the statement that, “Mindy Kaling’s show is just her way to have white people like her.”
before this article was published, we did not receive any messages from anyone on jezebel asking our permission to use the quote. no one sent us the article to approve the section. no one from jezebel even told us about it. a third party had to send it to us (in a rather ignorant message about our “no white people submitting” policy, i might add).
while it is not per se illegal to use my words without asking me, it is unethical and moreover, journalistically irresponsible. i am also the only one in the article who was not named before being quoted. rather, i am “A poster on the tumblr Angry Asian Girls United.” this is in spite of me having put my name on the original post on the AAGU tumblr.
here’s the thing: i don’t agree with the majority of jezebel’s content. i don’t find articles on there i’m particularly interested in reading. i have read through stuff on there, including comments, and plain and simple do not trust many of the readers of jezebel. i find jezebel as a website to be largely geared towards upholding a very white western version of feminism that i absolutely do not subscribe to.
i also have no interest in engaging with jezebel’s writers or readers on the topic of the mindy project (or any topic, for that matter). yet my words were unwillingly pulled into this topic. our tumblr was unwillingly linked in the article without so much as a “hey, i wrote about you” message.
this is not a new phenomenon for women of color, especially Black women, on tumblr. there are users who have had their words and ideas stolen straight from their tumblrs and incorporated into other articles and not just articles on other informal users’ pages, but articles written by actual journalists or researchers working for established organizations. those words or ideas are never credited. at least this article linked our tumblr, but even then, the idea that you can jump in and use whatever content you want just because it is on tumblr and the person’s name does not seem famous to you? this is a violation of journalistic ethics, and as an organization, you really should know better than that.
it’s as if our words are not even respected. like our consent on whether we want our words being used like this has no meaning. let me say again: i did not want to engage in any of this discourse with jezebel. and yet the message that we got about the article was not from a regular reader of AAGU, but rather someone who saw our page linked on the article. this user came to target and criticize our policies.
that’s honestly just the tip of the iceberg for what can go wrong in a situation like this. people have gotten much worse hate and harassment for being in these situations.
i wrote what i wrote primarily for a website where i engage with other asian women. i did NOT write it for it to be used on any website by anyone. i especially did not write it to engage with largely white readers. and now we have to deal with the consequences of this article being written without our consent being asked for.
it matters who i wanted to engage with because in the article, the writer used my quote in a way i don’t feel fair. she wrote her article and then stuck my quote at the bottom as someone “defending” mindy kaling, when i think that my response was a lot more complex than that. i admitted the show had problems we should discuss, but i took issue with the phrasing of the message and especially of placing the burden singularly on mindy kaling. none of this was reflected in the article. rather, i am simply “A poster on the tumblr Angry Asian Girls United.”
they did not even bother to NAME me in the article. which is to say they felt comfortable enough to use my words to make a point, but not comfortable enough to actually treat me like a person.
this is also why we are currently looking into finding ways to put a creative commons license on this tumblr so that our content can be more protected and this won’t happen again.
quote THIS, jezebel.
“Yet objectifying and assigning value to Asian women is okay in the mainstream. Why? Because we are “helping them” by telling them what we think they should do with their bodies? Because Asian women are submissive and quiet and won’t speak out for themselves? “I Can’t Stop Looking at These South Korean Women” is a piece which is endemic to how American media looks at Asia, particularly Asian women, and even more particularly Asian women’s appearances.”—
The fury and indignation at Jezebel never ends. And then the inevitable cry from Jezebel Kool-Aid drinkers, “Why are you trying to tear us all apart? Feminists should stick together.”