February 12, 2012
I guess, when it’s over, it is over, it truly is. And I can do nothing about it.
The last show was last night. I was so tired of it all, so ready to move on, but to hell if I actually wanted to. I may have been ready, but that doesn’t mean I actually wanted to. I still had things to do. Vague yes, but I still had friends to make, people to love.
A person to love.
It is uprooting, the power of sadness. But this specific sadness, when it is close to the ending, when you know it will never be anything like this again, when your life will always be different from these last moments. We try to avoid this, we try very hard to stay detatched, I know I have for a long time. But I also know I’m not helping anyone, I’m not doing any favors for myself or the ones I hold so close.
Yeah, this show will come around next year. Life always goes on. People drift away, life slips from your grasp, friendships deplete. But, I don’t want this one to.
I’ve finally found my family in this, okay? I truly have. All my life I have felt so lonely but only right now, when I was with all the people I love, and all the laughter I shared, did I understand that I was finally happy. I didn’t care about romance anymore, I didn’t care about, heartbreak, or kisses, or losing myself. I cared about this family that found me, that reached out to me. That saved me.
That kept me alive.
Right when I catch it, it is gone. Nothing will ever be this way again.
Yeah, it moves on, yeah, life rolls.
But fuck it if I wasn’t happiest here.
Just So You KnowJesse McCartney
Just so you know <//3
This emptiness is killing me
And I’m wondering why I’ve waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I’m waiting here…been waiting here
Sometimes after a long, hard, did I say long?, exhausting day, the best thing is to:
1. Take a piping hot shower. Is my skin burnt?
2. Slip in to some comfy shorts, old running t-shirt, and soft socks. Ah.
3. Make a grilled cheese. No frills, just bread, butter, and cheese. Comfort.
4. Crack open an icy cold beer. Sip often.
5. Oh, and then put your feet up so the blood drains away. Dogs are a barking.
The Bazaar is over. It was a success from what we can tell. We had 5 no shows (3 had already paid), but other than that, all the vendors were happy. The cafeteria was steady all day and we sold out of some of the food.
I got compliments on a job well done quite a few times, so I will take that as a good sign.
I was up at 5am this morning and we finished putting everything away at the church before 5pm. Not bad. I was running around like a mad women for a while. It was definitely a lot of running from here to there and getting pulled in every direction. Especially in the morning for the first 4 hours or so, I felt like every time I turned around, there was someone else with a question. Madness, I tell you.
As soon as I got home, I was pretty nauseous just from the day, the ill planned food, and the stress, and being on my feet all day. I laid on the couch and closed my eyes. It felt soooo good to just be able to do that.
And then Mark said “ready to go?”. Yeah, we were on our way out the door again. We went and bought a Jeep that has 4 wheel drive that we plan on putting a plow on the front. It is an older Jeep with lots of miles. We have quite the long driveway and this will save us money in the long run in plow costs. Plus, it will give us a second vehicle just to drive around town, pick up kids, etc. And it has a hitch, so we can use it for hauling stuff to the back of the property or what not.
That didn’t take too long. And we were back home. I got some long overdue snuggles in with the kids before it was time for them to go to bed.
Tomorrow will come fast. But, it is daylight savings, so woohoo! for an extra hour of sleep, right?
tbh it’s hard to believe people are still mourning Gaddafi umm
like in the tumblr tag, or people round the world starting rallies in support of him
d e a d
let’s just build the new Libya together, whether or not you supported him, you are Libyan and you are part of its future so
deal with it.
khalas, it’s over.