Useless Statements Found in Yelp Reviews, Vol. 1
“It’s a little out of the way for me, so I probably wouldn’t go back too often.”
— Chris H.
“[The waitress] was wearing old cut-off jeans, no makeup (she needed some) and just looked pretty slovenly”
— Lisa S.
“As for atmosphere, the fabric wall panels need some updating.”
— Erin W.
“Rabbit in mustard sauce - didn’t try it.”
— Tyler A.
“I went with my BFF and it was UFB. I read what someone else wrote in a review and was like WTF? …Anyway, I won’t tell u exactly what I had to eat cuz it is NOYB. LOL.”
— Paul A.
“It kind of feels like you’re eating in a hip filing cabinet.”
— Aria S.
“The Orange Chicken is unlike anything I’ve ever tasted, very strong, probably very good to those who like orange chicken. I’m sort of not a fan so this particular preparation went into the garbage.”
— Crystal W.
“I tried to not add more carts in my life right now because it just seemed complicated.”
— Rob D.
“The pig intestine dish is exactly the same as the hot chicken bath, but with intestine.”
— Mindy C.
“Great babe to biscuit ratio.”
— Nicky T.
“If my hunger was a T-rex, eating this meal would be like shooting it in the face with a slingshot (Dennis the Menace-style, NOT David v. Goliath-style).”
— Andrew H.
And our winner:
“They’ve gotten rid of the pus-cleavage girl, THANK GOD.”
— Saint P.
Compiled with Neven Mrgan’s enthusiastic assistance.
Useless Statements Found in Yelp Reviews, Vol. 2
“Speaking of the bathooms, they have an option to use regular soap or a powdered version.” — Rebecca R.
“They didn’t have pomegranate juice for my standard pomegranate martini.” — Allie S.
“Why a 4 star?? The wait was over an hour long!! …Next time- will just keep it simple and come with no more than 4 people” — C T.
“I have garlic coming out of every pore, which doesn’t bode well for any hot, or even lukewarm, marital action tonight.” — Rebecca H.
“[photo of a glass of ice water]” — Jando S.
“Here’s a tip if you’re homeless folks, don’t give your girlfriend money to paint on her eyebrows if you’re starving.” — Larry H.
“My husband is not feminine looking, and had a beard at the time.” — Bree C.
“Don’t ask me what style food it is, sheshwan neshwan, I have no clue.” — Linda A.
“Thus begins my fascination with the pluralization of the names of small sea creatures.” — Leisa H.
“Schweppe’s Tonic is so much better than the Coke product Tonic, which is bitter!” — Myra F.
“Fortunately the wait staff vibed these unchill folks out; where they were casted out to the wastelands of Matador with the rest of the mainstreamers.” — Papi C.
AND TODAY’S WINNER:
“If you’re going here, arrive at least an hour before they open, or suffer a 45 minute to 1 hour wait.” — Mark S.
(Previously: Vol. 1)
