Fun Fact: One flu over the poopoo's nest.
Uh-oh. You wake up at 4am with stomach cramps, nausea, and feeling flushed. A few minutes later, you’re kneeling before the Porcelain Altar, retching up your guts. Then just as you’re hoping the worst is over, you feel your bowels clench, and you start The Dance of the Toilet Bowl and Trash Can as everything in your intestinal tract makes for the nearest exit, like some kind of demon-possessed Pushmi-pullyu.
Now, real quick: when you sign in at the Urgent Care, what do you call your symptoms?
Did you say “Stomach Flu”? Well, sorry to inform you, Mr. Ralph Thunderpants, but you’re wrong. It’s not the flu at all.
Behind the Medic: And you probably contract URSA from dirty bears.
- Cranquis: That patient with the rash was worried he might have MRSA - but he kept spelling it as N-R-S-A.
- My PA: Ha! "Nurse-Ah!"
- Cranquis: I guess that would be worse than MRSA.
- PA: Yeah, and if he ever gets ZRSA, he's really screwed.
- Cranquis: Zombie-Resistant Staph Aureus!
Behind the Medic: I probably would've enjoyed that twist on the Lindsay Lohan remake a lot more.
Nurse Kathy: Hey Dr. Cranquis, how do you spell “herpes”? “H-E-R-P-I-E-S”?
Cranquis: No, it’s “H-E-R-P-E-S”. If it had an “I” in it, it would look too much like Herbie the Love Bug, which would just be weird.
Nurse: Oh ok.
Cranquis *musing*: Although, TECHNICALLY, Herpes is a love bug too…