47. Sitting on the dock of the bay
I live for the future.
I live for the future.
Instead of enjoying the sunrise, I look forward to the sunset because it means I’m that much closer to tomorrow…the beginning of the future. Rather than enjoy my past reflections or present meditations, I squirm in the skin that will be perfected…in the future. Not happy now? No matter, it’ll be better…in the future.
When is the future? When will I be able to stop living for this undefined moment in time and space and finally be content with the life I am blessed with? When will I finally see that I am truly blessed with the life I have been given? In the future.
So the cycle restarts.
I’ve long grown weary of the, “I’ll be content when…” prayers and internal remarks. Conditional contentment contradicts the establishment of contentment and joy itself. The idea of patience and its ties to virtue no longer pacify my downtrodden heart. My ambition glistens in the distance, in the future, but it seems the closer I come, the farther it retreats.
To attain that future, I know I must act today. But how do you act when you have no path to follow? How do you turn a blind eye and say, “Lead the way”? Yes, I know it’s been preached to trust. But how does that really present itself in our day to day lives? How do I say, “You’re right: I can’t control it. Do it for me”?
There is beauty in today. Though the picture I’ve painted of tomorrow and the tomorrows to come are shaped by ambition and tinted by hope, I need transfer some of that hope from the future to today.
How can I be used this day when my heart and mind are in the next?
- me: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THERE WAS A BOY NAMED TOBIAS IN YOUR CLASS?
- my daughter: I don't talk to him...
- me: I don't care! I need to meet his mother! It's been so long since I've been able to fangirl with anyone from the divergent fandom...
- my daughter: mom, stop.
- me: What if her name is Evelyn?
- my daughter: mom.
- me: oh my gosh, what if she abandoned him?
- my daughter: mom, really.
- me: I'LL ADOPT YOU TOBIAS!
Top 10 Things to Do in Japan 2015
10. Visit a host club
8. Climb up Mount Fuji
7. Spend an overnight trip in Aokigahara Forest, the most haunted forest in the world
6. Visit the Golden Pavilion in Kyoto
5. Ride a bullet train or Shinkansen
4. Bathe in the communal bath
3. Visit Gion-the Geisha District
2. Wear a kimono
1. Watch the Gazette LIVE!