“My attempts to talk to younger women didn’t turn out well either. When I was 14, I was in A Christmas Carol at Madison Square Garden and, in an attempt to do a normal teenage thing, I invited three other boys from the cast to the Times Square Hooters. I thought we could get some wings, watch the game, and gawk at the sexy waitresses. But I was a vegetarian and the other three boys were experiencing gender identity issues, so instead of wings, game watching, and lewd comments about the waitress, we got veggie burgers, asked them to change the channel, and commiserated with the waitress about how difficult it is to break into New York theater.”