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Daily Shot #57: Convincing, No?
Belated Realization of the Summer: I keep getting put in charge of stuff.
Once or twice is a matter of probability and extroversion, but when it starts happening on an alarmingly regular basis, I have to stop and take stock of the way I apparently interact with people that makes them think I’d be a good choice to lead/direct/control projects and discussions when I am absolutely not the most qualified person in the room. Having now done some of that stopping and taking of stock, I’ve come to some conclusions.
The problem, mainly, seems to be that I can convince myself that I know what the heck I’m talking about. I’m so good at this, in fact, that I act with absolute certainty and confidence without any kind of conscious input from the logistical side of my brain, which usually kicks in ten minutes later screaming “Why did you think you knew how to do that?! We’re going to die!” That moment of reasonable doubt is getting shorter and shorter these days, which does not bode well for my continually dwindling free time.
I think I’ve just spent too long as a public speaker and an extrovert. Most of my career and hobby success relies on me acting like an authority figure and an intellectual until people believe that I actually am one. Some of that is founded on my actual ability and experience, but a lot of it just seems to be based on the fact that people decide I seem like a capable person. Somewhere along the way, I’ve gotten good enough that I convince myself just as well as everyone else. I should know better.
Don’t get me wrong-I’m not really complaining. I like being in charge of things. I just have to sit down and think about it every once in a while, because a little self-bemusement is good for the soul. Also for the lessening of the ego. Most of the time I need to spend more effort convincing myself that I need to be quiet and learn more instead of wandering in like I own the place.
Anyway. That’s pretty much what it looks like when an entrenched intellectual extrovert has a moment of self-realization. Carry on. Nothing to see here. I’ll totally know what I’m doing in another minute or two.