My desi father describes a perfect marriage - Part 1:

• Dad: Alhumdullillah, God has given me a good marriage.
• Him: Almost. Ha ha ha ha.
• Him: Ha ha.
• Him: Ha.
• Him: Bitter fellow only sometimes.
• Him: Remember that it is very, very important to hate the same people if you want a marriage to work smoothly. You must hate at least 5 people in common. At least, I say.
• Him: This does not include your in-laws.
• Him: I still don't like your mother's mother.
• Him: But I respect her choice to love her mother. It is fine by me. I am alright with it. Cool, as you young people put it. Cool.
• Him: But only marry a man who clearly states he hates the same people you do.
• Him: No one will tell you this because they are polite liars covering shit with a pretty layer of love.
• Me: Did you just say sh -
• Him: Be quiet.