Today

I rushed to see you

The rain slammed against me

And the wind cut my face

Today I bought you lunch 

We spent the afternoon in your bed 

And there wasn’t a moment when we weren’t touching

You pulled at my hair and my clothes and ripped me apart

Until there was nothing left of me

And I’ve never found it so hard to leave you before

I still feel like I’m in pieces

Oh I was going to workout but then I started writing this blog post.

It’s ok because I’M NOT FAT, OK SOCIETY?

image

I don’t want to sound dumb and stereotypical but I just keep realizing and understanding more and more all that stuff about school sucking all the soul and creativity out of kids. because I can’t write anymore. I don’t draw anymore. I barely touch my paint. I don’t feel things anymore. 

There’s this promise of happiness out there,
so far into the sky I think we’re never coming back
So if anyone asks where we are
just tell them to look up.

Scatterbrain

Yes, there are quite a few things in my life I regret doing.

I was young, dumb, and immature. I still am.

But I’ve gotten to where I wanted to be, and left behind what I wanted to leave.

I have unfinished business in some places but that’s ok.

I have been in love before and I’ve been in lust.

I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve hurt others.

I never got the closure I wanted but I no longer want it.

I’ve found and lost myself again countless times.

I’ve wanted to live forever and I’ve wanted to die.

I live in some moments longer than others.

Sometimes I cry because I can’t remember someone’s face, voice, or even the way they exhale.

But I’ve never felt more alive or at peace
Than I do in this moment in time. 

I finally feel like me. 

someday i will have time to write and frolic through the internet with you guys again

today was not that day :(

sadly i don’t think tomorrow is either

sigh

.

Someone.

I crave someone who’ll lie into the late hours of the early morning and talk with me until we’ve said everything we can say about nothing at all. Someone to share a blanket that’s not quite big enough or a stupid movie we never finish or a walk through the night for no reason beyond wandering because we can. A face I know will wake me with a smile after I’ve fallen asleep in the midst of their whisper, not for lack of care but for the safety I feel in the hum of their voice. Someone who will fall into the arms of 3am but fall into mine as well.

Someone.

I wish I had some sort of creative inspiration. Sometimes I feel like all my creativity has died inside me. 

I want to do an art degree really badly. I know I’d be happy and I’d love doing it, but I also want a job and I want to be financially secure for once in my life.

Ah. I really need to stop thinking about this kind of stuff at this time of night.

New story idea?..

“It’s sickening…her not being around..” she said.

“You need to move on.” they said.

“She’s all I ever think about.” she said.

“She’s not going to get you anywhere” they said.

“At least I’ll be nowhere with her.” she said.

-cca

Lying in darkness accompanied only by the comforting hum of my fan, I find myself so content with emotions that should (and by all logic typically would) overwhelm me. Sadden me, even. Music quietly drifts through the room and fills me to the brim with an entirely empty sense of the companionship for which I yearn yet fear to yield.

It’s odd how the darkest spaces are often the ones that feel the most alive. I find it comforting - at least enough to assist me in further falling into this feeling. It’s a moment so broken broken in its reality but perfect in the purpose it serves.

I feel all is at peace in these precious seconds that will soon escape me. I would bottle this sensation, this feeling, this impractical slice of idyllic reality.. if I could.

I am content. 

Thinking about starting to read ASoIaF, but then I laugh at myself.  ”Silly goose,” I say to myself.  ”You know that’s not gonna happen.”  As if I have time to fucking read these huge ass books when I’ve got video games and TV shows to play and watch.  

I’m two episodes behind on Vikings and one episode behind on Bates Motel, I still need to restart DmC, I haven’t even bought DW7: Empires yet because I’m still in the middle of Fire Emblem: Awakening and morganaskywalker and I are going to start our GoT Season 2 watchalong soon.

Welp, my lunch hour is coming up.  I’m off to the BMV to get my new license plates.

Sometimes I open up text posts on Tumblr, ready to spill my feelings on the page as if a wayward can of speckled blue paint were to tip over onto a brilliant white sheet and stain it beautifully.

But then I end up writing things like that and forget what I wanted to say in the first place.

Or maybe I just can’t put my thoughts into words right now.

“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” - John Green

Loading more posts...