I rushed to see you
The rain slammed against me
And the wind cut my face
Today I bought you lunch
We spent the afternoon in your bed
And there wasn’t a moment when we weren’t touching
You pulled at my hair and my clothes and ripped me apart
Until there was nothing left of me
And I’ve never found it so hard to leave you before
I still feel like I’m in pieces
Yes, there are quite a few things in my life I regret doing.
I was young, dumb, and immature. I still am.
But I’ve gotten to where I wanted to be, and left behind what I wanted to leave.
I have unfinished business in some places but that’s ok.
I have been in love before and I’ve been in lust.
I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve hurt others.
I never got the closure I wanted but I no longer want it.
I’ve found and lost myself again countless times.
I’ve wanted to live forever and I’ve wanted to die.
I live in some moments longer than others.
Sometimes I cry because I can’t remember someone’s face, voice, or even the way they exhale.
But I’ve never felt more alive or at peace
Than I do in this moment in time.
I finally feel like me.
- #oh man oh man
- #and art-ing
- #ugh life has been ridiculous right now
- #and i'm currently house-less for the summer and next year and wow that really puts a damper on everything
- #i just wanna write all these fanart ideas
- #but mostly my orion/constellation/clint is a fallen star thing
- #mahogany and elle know what's up
I crave someone who’ll lie into the late hours of the early morning and talk with me until we’ve said everything we can say about nothing at all. Someone to share a blanket that’s not quite big enough or a stupid movie we never finish or a walk through the night for no reason beyond wandering because we can. A face I know will wake me with a smile after I’ve fallen asleep in the midst of their whisper, not for lack of care but for the safety I feel in the hum of their voice. Someone who will fall into the arms of 3am but fall into mine as well.
Lying in darkness accompanied only by the comforting hum of my fan, I find myself so content with emotions that should (and by all logic typically would) overwhelm me. Sadden me, even. Music quietly drifts through the room and fills me to the brim with an entirely empty sense of the companionship for which I yearn yet fear to yield.
It’s odd how the darkest spaces are often the ones that feel the most alive. I find it comforting - at least enough to assist me in further falling into this feeling. It’s a moment so broken broken in its reality but perfect in the purpose it serves.
I feel all is at peace in these precious seconds that will soon escape me. I would bottle this sensation, this feeling, this impractical slice of idyllic reality.. if I could.
I am content.
Thinking about starting to read ASoIaF, but then I laugh at myself. ”Silly goose,” I say to myself. ”You know that’s not gonna happen.” As if I have time to fucking read these huge ass books when I’ve got video games and TV shows to play and watch.
I’m two episodes behind on Vikings and one episode behind on Bates Motel, I still need to restart DmC, I haven’t even bought DW7: Empires yet because I’m still in the middle of Fire Emblem: Awakening and morganaskywalker and I are going to start our GoT Season 2 watchalong soon.
Welp, my lunch hour is coming up. I’m off to the BMV to get my new license plates.
Sometimes I open up text posts on Tumblr, ready to spill my feelings on the page as if a wayward can of speckled blue paint were to tip over onto a brilliant white sheet and stain it beautifully.
But then I end up writing things like that and forget what I wanted to say in the first place.
Or maybe I just can’t put my thoughts into words right now.
“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” - John Green