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general cw on this post for rape and suicide

my paypal is theannotationfairy@gmail.com

Sighs okay, yet again, I’m doing the casually beg for money thing. I bet you’re all so excited to be following me and my never-ending rollercoaster ride of debts and unexpected costs.

Here is the deal:

• My father is disabled and my mother cares for him (and my two baby sisters).
• We are on benefits.
• I attend an art course at my local college which we get benefits for. But!
• My rapist brother works at this college and cannot be fired since nine year old me thought she deserved it.
• The support system that was meant to be in place has not been, at all. Literally, one teacher left for six months. I’ve had nobody solid to turn to, my emails have been lost, and the office is on-campus which is obviously no longer a safe space for me.
• I would literally rather kill myself than go on campus, to the point where I have prepared the things I need to do so if I am presented with a “come in or get kicked out” ultimatum.
• I cannot drop out of college unless i have some form of income to replace the benefits we lost. It’s £20  ($30) a week paid out and a host of tiny other things such as me not having to pay rent which would come to about £50 ($70) a week, at a guess.
• Obviously i do not have that money and therefore cannot afford to drop out of college even though it’s making me a suicidal distant wreck of a person.
• I don’t know where else to turn, tumblr. 
• £400 ($600) would cover every possible expense incurred by me dropping out until i can get a job, and allow me to apply for A-Levels at the other local college which is incidentally like 20 miles away from the one where my rapist brother works and therefore definitely safe for me.
• My parents will most likely murder me outright for doing this, but my mental health matters more than their approval, and I would rather be their still-alive college dropout daughter than dead. Having money saved up will mean that when I do drop out, the only thing they we have to worry about is how much of a failure I am in their eyes, and not, you know, being homeless.

I know not everyone can afford to donate to this and I know a lot of people have already shelled out to keep me and mine fed and alive and in our house and I know that I shouldn’t be asking this of you but here I am, yet again, on my knees.

I’ve tried to stick with college, tried to pick up my books and work without having panic attacks, tried to go on campus and into class without having to down half a bottle of whiskey for courage and cry in the bathroom when I get home -  I’ve tried and tried and tried and it’s not worked, and I don’t know what else to do.

So, even if it’s just a reblog, please. Help me.