I never thought...

…I’d welcome numbness back into my life after my depression.

But right now, feeling numb for you is kind of a blessing. I hope it lasts.

I feel like complete and utter poo, but I’m also just glad that last exam is over. It really does suck when you’re in university and your grades basically define you, in a weird sort of way.

Like, what the fxck is up with that.

Regarding last night.

“You can always count on Americans to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else.” - Winston Churchill

I am a real American.

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Hey I had a fun evening, sat on my laptop with my headphones in whilst my sister goes completely mad, and then I get a glass bottle chucked at me because I’m a fucking cunt apparently. YAY! for home being bloody shit still and no one is helping anymore, and YAY! for supported living making me completely miserable and feeling so alone and scared. My head is a wonderful place to be in at the moment. 

i need a local d provider.

god i apologize for vomiting my problems onto tumblr again and again

but on top of physical problems, it’s really depressing how my family is descending back into complete discord. it takes absolutely nothing at all to start everyone yelling at each other.

when i say nothing, i do mean nothing

(example: this evening, sitting, watching a movie. in five seconds flat, maybe five words are exchanged and suddenly everyone is yelling and i sit through the next hour grinding my teeth and digging my fingernails into my palms)

Going to start looking into therapists. Ugh.

Now I feel even crummier.

Had a relatively good start to my day got and I thought I could get a lot of work done but now I am all depressed and unmotivated and just huddled in my bed and tried to sleep it away.

.

I MISS SO MUCH

thank you Tumblr for consuming my every thought

I can’t concentrate on anything until I know what’s going on with us. I can’t even read… my mind won’t let me think of anything else except that. I need to clear my head out soon, you need to let me know what you’re thining.

I can't keep living like this.

I’ve been getting yelled at for anything and everything lately, so I haven’t been home or even talking to my parents. My mom just came into my room questioning if I had a boyfriend, and she was positive that I had one. She wouldn’t tell me why she thought that, but she was convinced that I had one. So finally I told her what was really wrong, and what’s going on with Roosevelt University and she started yelling at me saying that I’m self-centered, and that I should be asking relatives for birthday money, and this and that. Then she started questioning me on why her house wasn’t good enough for me, because I should be able to drive back and forth to Chicago for my classes. When I told her that they would be every day, she said that I don’t know that for a fact and that I’m making up excuses. 

Reality vs Expectations

What I had thought I would do tonight:

- study for math
- play some sims
- read “The Doll’s House”
- go to sleep by 10

What I actually did tonight
- watched a whole bunch of One Direction videos
- went to a show home (it was awesome, can i move?)
- watched American Idol and Vampire Diaries
- made a striped shirt for my Louis paper doll (cause he didn’t have one, wtf?)
- obsessed over Loki
- still on Tumblr at 11:40

Why is nothing the same? 

life of regrets.

I’m counting on getting an internship with Amazon this summer so I can get the hell out of this house before going to UT.

Don’t u hate it when those memories creep up on u unexpectedly?
Especially when it happens around people and u have to hold it all in >:|
It’s like u wanna scream and u want it to stop but it doesn’t… i keep reliving things over and over again and it’s preventing me from moving forward :/

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