Sometimes, I live strongly with vigor and vitality.
Other times, I feel open and vulnerable
That I sometimes react so insecurely, filled with fear…
Sure, I am a man, 20 years old to be exact
But I have feelings too, like any other person.
Why else do I sometimes react so shy and timid
When shit happens?
I get so shocked at the events that I cannot even
Study, eat, nor able to handle myself. I lost control.
The shock is so great that I break down crying
Like an abandoned child who recently became an orphan.
During these times, I seek compassion, love, care and sympathy,
But who or where am I going to find them…??
Do my friends understand what I am going through??
Does my significant other see the tears held back
Strangling me inside?
These feelings caught me off guard, yes.
Why else do you think I feel like this?
No reason, you think? … You have no idea
What has recently occurred in my life.
At least I have my family, the only people who
Care about my well-being when I need it.
Something I dearly value so much from them
Despite that I get into fights with them
From time to time. I love them always.
They make me feel safe when I get caught off guard,
Which won’t alleviate how I feel, inside.
Though at least I will eventually realize this was all a shock.
A shock that I created, and never expected.
I made a mistake.
Mistakes are always made, there is no denying that.
I am aware of them, and some are sometimes hard to embrace
Because of the timing that its come
I would not embrace it completely, so I became insecure,
Vulnerable, and weak.
I am a man, yes.
Complete with a strong personality and a lively attitude, however
I cannot always be this way. As I am also likely to live through moments
This is merely normal, I understand
Yet I sometimes wished for someone to be there
Where I can’t handle this shock.