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- Yzma: Ahh, how shall I do it? Ohh I know, I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea and then, I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself and when it arrives.. ahahaha, I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant I tell you, genius I say!
When my mother channels Santana Lopez, she is the coolest person to ever cool.
So my mom and I went out to Five Guys today. And as we’re trying to find a parking spot, we see a car backing out of a space right in front of the restaurant. So my mom waits behind the car as it backs out, and she’s got her turn signal on already. And right when she’s about to turn into the spot, this car comes out of nowhere beeping its horn, and drives right into the spot that we were about to park into.
My mom grips her steering wheel and makes this angry face and is all like, “WHAT THE HELL!? THIS BITCH!”
She backs the car a little bit so she can get a better view of the other car’s driver’s seat. And my mom just waits there shaking her head. There are other people in the parking lot that saw the whole thing too, so they’re all watching and shaking their heads at this bitch. My mom keeps swearing, even in front of my little sister, and she is staring this car down. I swear, she is about to go ALL LIMA HEIGHTS on this woman. But the woman in the other car would not get out of the car.
So my mom starts laughing bitterly and goes, “Look, she won’t even get out of the car because she’s afraid of confrontation.
My mom starts to put her window down, and she’s just waiting for this woman, with this smug smile on her face. Like a panther waiting for its prey. Hahaha. But this woman never comes out, so finally my mom leaves and finds another parking space. And this guy that parked next to us was like, “I saw that whole thing. That just wasn’t right…”
We walk back to Five Guys. My mom is like “What the fuck was that woman thinking? What a bitch!”
And my little sister and I are just laughing because my mom is so epic. And when we get to Five Guys, the car is gone.
My mom starts laughing so bitterly again and is like, “Omg she left! She was too embarrassed to get out.”
And as we eat my mom is still snickering so evilly and says, “I just can’t stop thinking of that woman. She was such a bitch.”
And later when we leave she’s like, “I’m gonna find that woman…”
It was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.