Am I crazy.

I was catching up on Jersey Shore this weekend and I saw that Vinny left because of anxiety.  I instantly felt his pain and had a bond with him.  I too suffer anxiety disorder and lately it seems it is all I can do not to have a panic attack.  I have about 2 to 3 panic attacks a day.  I panic about having panic attacks.  Sometimes I can talk myself out of them and tell myself I am just being stupid.  Sometimes I can stop them before they come on and sometimes they spiral so far out of control I find myself in tears because I can’t make the feeling stop.  I have dealt with them since I was in my teens but lately they have gotten so much worse and I have no clue why.  It is hard for me to explain to other people what it feels like to be out of control and feel like you are dying when in fact nothing is wrong with you.  Last night I took some advil for my leg pains which sent me into a severe anxiety attack.  Pills are my worst nightmare because I feel as though I am putting something in my body that I can’t control.  I was in tears.  Explaining to Peter that I am not crazy and can he please just talk me out of this, hold my mind somewhere else so I don’t think about it… it is embarrassing.  I know I am not crazy and that it happens to other people but I want them to stop.  I want to have control of my life again.  I started a daily medication today that is going to help in the long run and I of course had a panic attack.  A panic attack about taking panic attack medication seriously make it stop.  My doctor says it will kick in full effect in 7 days.  So here is to feeling normal in 7 days.