Draco Malfoy is Regina George

Let me tell you something about Harry Potter.

We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever.

So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Blaise who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Harry was like, weirdly jealous of him.

Like, if I would blow him  off to hang out with Blaise, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?”

So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-slytherin pool party, I was like, “Harry, I can’t invite you, because you’re the Chosen One.” I mean I couldn’t have the Chosen One at my party. There were gonna be slytherins there with their dark marks. I mean, right? He was the CHOSEN ONE.

So then Dumbledore called Snape and started yelling at him, it was so retarded.

And then he dropped out of school because he had to go gather horcruxes, and he came back in the fall after killing voldemort, and of he was kind of sexy which was totally weird, and now I guess I’m attracted to him.