Too many fatties on campus so I decided to release my personal dietary routine.

1. Change your thought process when you go out. Whatever you do, do not and I repeat do not sit in a corner at a table drinking all night. The key word here is “DANCE.” Get your ass up and dance like there is no tomorrow. Depending on your weight, you roughly lose between 250-400 calories for an hour of hip-hop dancing. Sometimes dancing leads to sex, and we all know what kind of workout that can be (given you don’t lie there like a dead fish). So rock those hips, drop it low, take it from the window to the wall, and the pounds will fall. So there it is: working out while drinking, Hieu Le-style.

2. No late night food? Fuck that, there is no way that is even feasible. You’re telling me when your bellligerently on the cusp of blacking out you’re not going to eat before you go to bed? That’s just asking for a killer hangover. The food of the night is “LEAN POCKETS.” Throw some fat free ranch on that shit and they taste just as good as pizza when you’re drunk. Almost.

3. To all you lazy fucks who take the bus, WALK TO CLASS! No wonder you gain weight. You can’t follow the first two rules of the Hieu Le weight program and then take a bus to class. Dumbfucks. This rule doesn’t apply to me because I live too far to walk so whatevs.

 4. Have your water cold, ready, and filtered in the morning so you can make it to the gym that day. The ultimate hangover cure.

 5. Everyone thinks drinking “DIET” saves you calories. What you don’t know is that the Aspartame slows down your metabolism. So while you technically save the calories, you still gain the weight. So stay away from the D-Coke and all the fake shit in that.

 6. If it has color, it has pounds.  Those colored drinks are filled with Blue Curaco, Grenadine, and other sugary bullshit.  Also, Stay away from the juices cranberry, pineapple, all of those pack on the sugar and calories.

 7. The day after drinking hit the sauna, sweat all those toxins out.  Also think about during the week joining something different than your normal routine (hot yoga, pilates, swim).  The variation makes your normal routine that much more effective.

 8. The easiest and healthiest chaser is fruit. Use an orange, lime, or lemon. Real fruit makes the shot go down easier and you get some real non-processed nutrience in your system. Detoxing while you’re intoxing…that’s the way to do it.

 9. If you are on a diet and you cheat late at night, but don’t remember it, that doesn’t count right? Moral of the story, if you don’t remember it, you can’t feel guilty. hint hint.

 10. Ever hear of Jimmy Johns? Hold the mayo, and you’re golden.