au where i could actually find guardian stridercest

stridercest

YES ANNA GOOD

hmm so you didn’t say which flavor of stridercest so i’m going to go with guardians because favorite flavor

GUARDIAN STRIDERCEST

who is the big spoon/little spoon
dave is the big spoon, always and forever. they don’t actually spoon much though, they generally sort of sprawl all over the bed when they’re sleeping.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity
they really like playing video games together. any game that has a collab mode, they do it. also, they’re really big on watching movies together and commentating on the plot and the characters and the SHIPS. they turn into the most obsessive of tumblr-fangirls when they watch movies, they’ll sometimes start writing deliberately terrible fanfiction about two characters they’ve decided they ship while they’re watching. also they like to just lay in bed together and do different things but be in each other’s company.

who uses all the hot water in the morning
they often shower together to save time and not have anyone use up the hot water, but if dave happens to sleep through when bro’s showering (which happens fairly often, because bro usually wakes up earlier) he can expect to wake up to all the hot water gone in the wake of one of bro’s ridiculous three hour showers.

what they order from take out
they don’t order from take out too often. bro usually cooks, or they go out for dinner. but occasionally dave will insist that he makes dinner that night, bro needs a rest, et cetera, and that’s when they do get take out, because “i’ll cook you dinner” very quickly turns into “i set a pot of spaghetti on fire, for our own safety i’m staying out of the kitchen, let’s order in.” when they do get takeout it’s usually chinese food, because that gives them the opportunity to have fortune cookie shenanigans. pizza is also a thing they get sometimes, because dave loves eating cold pizza for breakfast. (bro finds this disgusting.)

what is the most trivial thing they fight over
which pony is best pony honestly though, though, probably bro’s job? because dave is loaded so bro really doesn’t have to work and bro’s clientele is made up of some seriously creepy people and the main reason they can’t be public about their relationship is the fact that bro’s well known for making porn and dave’s like dude you don’t have to do this i’ve got us covered here. but bro’s just like no man. no.

who does most of the cleaning
dave, usually. bro leaves his shit around everywhere and doesn’t even care. dave’s like “no stop what are you doing GOD I’LL JUST PICK IT UP”
eventually though, dave hires a maid service, not to keep things clean, but to threaten bro into being more organized so the maid doesn’t throw out any of his stuff that’s left lying around.

who leaves their stuff around
BRO MOTHERFUCKING STRIDER, EVERYBODY. 

who remembers to buy the milk
both of them. they’re pretty good about groceries.

who remembers anniversaries
they both do, and they both make big shenanigans out of them. irony and all that, but also because it’s fun and they love it. they go out to a big fancy restaurant for dinner every time and dress up because 1. fancy restaurant and 2. bro loves seeing dave in formal clothes because it’s totally hot. and they get the fanciest things on the menu because man, dave’s rich as balls they can afford to have caviar and lobster and really good steak and expensive as fuck wine once a year. then they go home and have sex.