Reasons why the main cast of Gravity Falls is perfect:

Fucking Dipper.

Look at this kid for two goddamn seconds, you just know he’s gonna be your ideal child-aged protagonist for this setting. Smart, mature, but not too much of the above that he comes off as a 30 year-old man in a kid’s body. He likes to have fun, but he also has an agenda to attend to, and that agenda includes kicking ass and taking names in a journal.

Seriously, he’s drawn perfectly. Small body and childish body. Wears a vest and hat; the kid must shop at Adventurer’s Emporium, that’s a perfect combo. Bags under his eyes represent his maturity at such a young age. He knows what he wants. Just perfect.

And he loves Mabel. Not like that, you sickos, no, he loves her a lot more than just your twincest-based mind will perceive. When she’s down, he goes in to make it better. He doesn’t leave her under the bus. He’s a good brother. He makes things right. He understands Mabel and realizes she’s a crazy little girl, he doesn’t tease her or make her feel bad about it, he embraces her for who she fucking is.

I wish Dipper was my brother, fucking shit.

Fucking Mabel.

Charming, cute, IRRESISTIBLE. While she doesn’t have the same lust for adventure as her brother, she definitely doesn’t avoid it. Her half-full attitude is the perfect compliment to Dipper’s half-empty, and together they make a perfectly full cup. I guess, just, JBFBOKASKO LOOK AT HER. You don’t need to write an essay on the girl to realize she’s damn perfect.

Those fucking sweaters man, like, what the hell. It expresses her youth and her “eye of fashion” I guess, because she switches out her clothes more often than any other character. Her sleeves cover her hands and that’s just like, damn, adorable? And her hair is long and fluffy and she’s just perfect.

Did I mention she loves her brother? Yeah, she does. She never doubts him and his conspiracies, she never talks down on his eye for the weird, and like said earlier, she instead embraces that about him. These two are the ideal siblings to be adventuring with. They’ll be there for each other through thick and fucking thin, probably making jokes about it.

Seriously, the two are completely different in attitude and personality, but they fit together just wonderfully. How can this show make a better cast— OH THAT’S RIGHT, THEY’RE SUPPORTING CAST.

Fucking Gruncle Stan.

The perfect adult for this kind of story. A lazy schemer that pinches his pennies but gets the job fucking DONE. It’s a dirty, filthy job that abuses the simple minded, but somebody’s got to do it, and Stan knows his business. He turned his entire house into a Mystery Shack out in the middle of the woods, and with the subtle clues of the story abound, you can just tell that he didn’t just do it because “hey why not.”

He’s legitimately funny. He understands he’s a greedy crook, but instead of being all gloom and secretive about it, he just turns it into BADASS FUEL. Does he worry about price tags? Fuck no. Does he worry about ancient curses? As if. If something tries to get in the way of him making a profit, he’ll find a way around it.

And is he a bad parental figure? Sure, but he loves his little great-nephews (grephews?), and he does want to bond with them more. He’s not just trying to make a profit off them by forcing them to work around the Mystery Shack, he’s trying to have fun with them, and while he’s thus far unaware of their little adventures with the weird, he knows Gravity Falls is gonna do them well.

Fucking Soos.

Look at this guy. Perfection on a stick. He’s not a lazy worker, he’s a good worker. He gets jobs done. And he likes what he does. He’s always had an eye for the mystic and the odd and the Mystery Shack is right up his alley. It pays, it keeps him active, and look at the way he treats Mabel and Dipper. Like they were younger siblings he’s always lived with. He fucking loves the kids.

And he doesn’t even doubt their adventures. In fact, he’s right there with them most of the time. And he has knowledge of tropes, too. He’s not some unaware moron of what’s going around, he’s well aware of how the typical monster story usually goes, and with his advice and help, I mean, fuck, Soos. You’re amazing.

PS. His name is Soos. It’s a variation of “Jesus,” or “Hey-soos.” Fun fact. Which implies he has Hispanic heritage and I mean, fuck yeah, he got cooler.

Fucking Wendy.

One day, I’ll get a better picture of you, baby.

But look at this. This girl. She’s the older sister of the Mystery Family. She doesn’t like what she does, but she’s not an ass about it. She’s just simple. It doesn’t take much to run a cash register, and she’s not totally on good terms with Stan anyway, and for good reasons.

But the bets part of this lady? She’s actually cool. She’s not an asshole, she’s not a popular kid, she’s actually cool. She has a good circle of trustworthy friends and she’s not afraid to do her own thing, even if it means bringing along two kids to go to a haunted convenience store. That’s just how fucking awesome she is.

Did I mention she’s actually really, really nice to Dipper and Mabel? She embraces the two like siblings of her own. When she’s not hanging out with her friends, she’s messing around with these two. She dances with Mabel and throws pine cones with Dipper, who, by the way, fucking loves this girl, and can you blame him? What 12 year-old wouldn’t be attracted to this fine Oregon dame?

I guess what I really, really, really wanna champion here is how the main cast (the “Mystery Family”) all live together like a family, and it’s just perfect. It is a cast of ultimate harmony. Everyone compliments each other in this bizarre, spooky town, and it all just works out. If I don’t get a scene some point during this season of the five of them in a group hug, I’m gonna send one hell of an angry letter to Alex Hirsch.