So I’m watching the Granada version of The Blue Carbuncle and I just love this woman’s face
#my face when anything
seriously every expression she has is like
oh my god just take my gloves and stop talking Cusack you’re lowering the IQ of the whole street
ah i see you’re still breathing that’s just lovely
and then she gets angry and it’s like
i just can’t she strides around the room led by her chin
She’d be a brilliant Granny Weatherwax.
“The thing about elves is they got no...no...begins with M." Granny snapped her fingers. "Manners?" "Hah! Right, but no." "Muscle? Mucus? Mystery?" "No, no, no. Means like bein' able to see the world from another person's point of view." Verence tried to see the world from a Granny Weatherwax perspective and suspicion dawned. "Empathy?" "Right!”—Verence II of Lancre, Granny Weatherwax, Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies (1992)
“Oats's hand reached the ax handle. "Still not quick enough," said Granny. "Keep hold of it, though. Ax first, pray later. You look like a priest. What's your god?" "Er...Om." "That a he god or a she god?" "A he. Yes. A he. Definitely a he." It was one thing the Church hadn't schismed over, strangely. "Er...you don't mind, do you?" "Why should I mind?" "Well...your colleagues keep telling me the Omnians used to burn witches..." "They never did," said Granny. "I'm afraid I have to admit that the records show--" "They never burned witches," said Granny. "Probably they burned some old ladies who spoke up or couldn't run away. I wouldn't look for witches bein' burned," she added, shifting position. "I might look for witches doin' the burning, though. We ain't all nice.”—Granny Weatherwax and Mightily Oats in Carpe Jugulum (a Novel of Discworld) by Terry Pratchett
“Granny Weatherwax looked out at the multi-layered, silvery world. 'Where am I?' INSIDE THE MIRROR. 'Am I dead?' THE ANSWER TO THAT, said Death, is SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NO AND YES. Esme turned, and a billion figures turned with her. 'When can I get out?' WHEN YOU FIND THE ONE THAT'S REAL. 'Is this a trick question?' NO Granny looked down at herself. 'This one,' she said.”—Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
Granny Weatherwax Explains Objectification is Wrong
“There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
“It’s a lot more complicated than that—”
“No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”
“Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes—”
“But they starts with thinking about people as things…”
from Carpe Jugulum, by Terry Pratchett
It’s a basic point of ethics, as Granny Weatherwax so aptly puts it. Treating people like things is where the downward path starts. When a whole half of the human race is treated as things by the other half, and it’s so pervasive, so seemingly permanent that it seems like that’s the only way the world can be—well, that doesn’t make it any more right. It just makes it hegemonic.
“Did you ever wonder what life would have been like if you’d said yes?” said Ridcully. “No.” “I suppose we’d have settled down, had children, grandchildren, that sort of thing...” “What about the fire?” she said. “What fire?” “Swept through our house just after we were married. Killed us both.” “What fire? I don’t know anything about any fire!” Granny turned around. “Of course not! It didn't happen. But the point is, it might have happened. You can’t say ‘if this didn't happen then that would have happened’ because you don’t know everything that might have happened. You might think something’d be good, but for all you know it could have turned out horrible. You can’t say ‘if only I’d..’ because you could be wishing for anything. The point is, you'll never know. You’ve gone past. So there’s no use thinking about it. So I don’t.”—Terry Pratchett’s Lords and Ladies, on “what if” and “if only”.
Pratchett's Women - The female characters of the Discworld
I’ve just found this magnificent series of articles on the female characters of the Discworld. It starts with some well deserved criticism of the first few books and the analysis is genuine and smart.
You can find all the parts of the series of articles by tansyrr here:
Pratchett’s Women I – The Boobs, the Bad and the Broomsticks
Pratchett’s Women II – Slash! Stab! A Lesson in Practical Queening in Lords and Ladies
Pratchett’s Women III – Werewolf Glamour and the Sexing of Dwarves in Guards, Guards!, Men at Arms, Feet of Clay
Pratchett’s Women IV – His Henpecked Voice (Jingo & The Fifth Elephant)
Pratchett’s Women V – The Seamstress Redemption in Night Watch
Pratchett’s Women VI – Pole Dancers, Goblin Girls, and the Family Man in Thud and Snuff
Pratchett’s Women VII – A Wonderful Personality and Good Hair – Agnes Nitt Maskerade and Carpe Jugulum
Pratchett’s Women VIII – Has Scythe, Will Teach School – Susan Sto Helit in Soul Music, Hogfather & Thief of Time
Pratchett’s Women IX – The Truth Has Got Her Boots On
These characters deserve and demand attention and some of them are among the best written female characters I’ve ever read.
Note: I truly hope that tansyrr continues her series with articles dedicated to Adora Belle Dearheart and the women in Moist’s series as well as one about the Tiffany series which is a true polyphony of female characters and complicated female issues and plotlines. I fell in love with her critical eye and I can’t wait to read what she would write on those two subjects.