When you get to hell, Satan hands you a stack of folders and a red pen. “Correct them” he snarls. You open the folders and discover your greatest nightmare: everything you’ve ever written since you were ten.
“Why this” you whisper.

If you’re a writer and you post something and people criticize your grammar, it’s because that’s all they understand. To make an analogy, it’s like having the world’s fastest car and then somebody on a tricycle starts making fun of you because there’s a ding on your back bumper.

OKAY LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS

I’M GOING TO EXPLAIN THE GRAMMAR THINGS 

  • your = a thing that belongs to you. “Your book is in the car.” 
  • you’re = you are. “You’re going to the store with me tomorrow, right?” 
  • its = a thing that belongs to it. “The TARDIS makes that noise because its brakes are left on.” 
  • it’s = it is. “It’s a shame so much of David Tennant’s work is hard to find in the U.S.” 
  • they’re = they are. “They’re going to have a Doctor Who marathon next weekend!” 
  • their = a thing that belongs to them. “The Cybermen had their emotions removed.” 
  • there = a location. “Park the Impala over there, on Baker Street.” 
  • then = used to put events in a sequence. “First we’re going to watch Nine, then we’re going to watch Ten.” 
  • than = used for comparisons. “Rose likes Ten’s blue suit better than his brown one.” 

FUCKING BONUS ROUND: 

  • “I” is a subject and “me” is an object. Even when there are other people involved. Examples:
  • “The Doctor and I fought the Daleks and won.” 
  • “You would not believe what happened to Martha and me.”

N O W

GO FORTH AND WRITE YOU FUCKING ADORABLE DERPS

“The research arm of dating site OKCupid looked at 500,000 first contacts and concluded that "netspeak, bad grammar and bad spelling are huge turn-offs". The biggest passion killers were "ur", "r", "u", "ya" and "cant". Also damaging to online suitors were "luv" and "wat".On the other hand, correct use of apostrophes was appealing. Using "don't" and "won't" caused better than average response rates - 36% and 37% respectively, according to the research.”

Apostrophe now: Bad grammar and the people who hate it
Read: BBC News
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