When I was younger my siblings and I used to joke about being poor (well, not really joke, more so mitigate our struggles via the use of humor), and my daddy would always say, “I don’t know what y’all talking about, I’m the wealthiest man on earth.” Of course we’d be all like, “What?! No you ain’t! Show us the money then!”
And he said, “I am. Because I have y’all.”
Warms my heart every time I think about. [:
A Mom's 18-Point iPhone Rules for Son
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.
13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO — fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
Things my rad mom said yesterday & today
*While sitting at the Democratic headquarters: You see my new pin??
**shows me a pin that says “Democrats are sexy. Who has ever said I want a little piece of elephant?”**
*I just drove an 80 year old lady to the polls. She was so excited. She and her husband loved using the computers.
*We found out we were exactly tied and we started calling EVERYONE.
*We did it.
*Now you and Tati can get married in Baltimore! Right here!
*I have never cried so hard, so loud, so deeply in public. I lost it.
*North Carolina was the only swing state that didn’t make it. I felt like such a failure.
*I’m not cool. I just made some phone calls.
*After listening to you, I don’t know if I ever want to be with a man ever again. You are so informative. You have really changed who I am. Or thought I was.
My mom’s this super cool lady who don’t take no shit from nobody and speaks with a strong Southern accent but couldn’t be smarter. She’s a Harvard Divinity grad, but thinks God’s a little on the bullshit side. When I told her I was gay, I cried. She didn’t. She talks to my girlfriend all the time. The other day she told me she was looking through Karmaloop.com but had to stop because the shoes made her sick, they reminded her so much of Chinese foot-binding. This is because when I really explained to her why this world makes me so angry, she said to me “I understand.”
I am lucky. You can thank this lady for a lot of votes.
