Why Johto is Scary as Fuck

I felt like I had to put this in its own post because of reasons.

For a reminder, the inspiration:

I’d also like to emphasize how I amused I am that, until we get an actual Australia-based region, Johto is practically the Australia of the Pokémon world. Most of the things in it want to kill you. The legends are judging the fuck out of you (if they’re not dragging your children to the depths of the ocean, goddamn Lugia), the seemingly harmless alphabet Pokémon are waiting to mindfuck you, and among its otherwise perfectly ordinary Pokémon list, it has afucking grizzly bear, a dog whose bite willleave you with eternal burns (although I guess if we’re fair, that one’s actually in Kanto), a fucking four-foot-tall spider that — oh yeah — is fucking venomous as shit, and a bird whose feathers are made of swords . Oh, and its pseudo-legendary eats mountains, and its elephants fucking roll. And let’s not forget the exploding pine cones either. Jesus Christ, Johto.

So then I decided to run with this by explaining all the ways Johtonian Pokémon, like both the flora and fauna and sometimes rocks of Australia, want you dead. (Or at least can and will kill you.)

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