My sister just told me the best story...
- Sister's Dating profile: I'm interested in Netflix, Sherlock, Doctor Who, my son. I really love BBC.
- Message from a guy: oh you like BBC? It's really refreshing to see a pretty white girl like you that's not afraid to admit that.
- Sister: oh ya, I just love it. My sister got me into it and we use it as a bonding experience :)
- Guy: oooooookaaaay... Whatever floats your boat. So, you had any good BBC lately? You looking for some soon?
- Sister: well, I'm waiting for Christmas for the new one to come out. I'm super excited!
- Guy: why are you waiting until Christmas? There's plenty of time before then to get some BBC. I can give you some BBC tonight if you want.
- Sister: what? Wait, what do you think BBC stands for?
- Guy: Big Black Cock, what else would it mean?
- Sister: OMFG
last year i was so sweaty after gym and i had this sweat towel, so i wiped myself down and i felt that my buttcheeks were really sweaty so i discretely wiped then and then my bestfriend said she was sweaty too and grabbed the towel but before i could warn her she started wiping her face and arms with the towel and i was scared to tell her because i thought she would judge me so really quick before the bell rang i said “we connected spiritually today” and she got freaked out so i said, “i’m inside you” so i tried a different approach and said “MY BUTT-CHEEK SWEAT IS INSIDE YOUR PORES” and she freaked out and started crying and now she’s going to kill me because i just told all of tumblr this story
Let me tell you a con story
This Anime Expo at the Los Angles Convention Center was fun, but I need to tell you guys a story about cosplay and misunderstanding. At this con there where monks dressed in orange robes and shaved heads trying to spread their religion to the con goers by handing out books and asking for donations. I being a shy person and trying to be polite tried to avoid contact with these monks to avoid my awkward refusal. I was in my costume when suddenly I found my self in a high speed chase with a monk hot on my tracks, when I was stopped when the man in the orange robe yelled “HEY YOU STOP I WANT TO TAKE YOUR PICTURE STOP RUNNING!”. At this point I was really frickin confused because I didn’t think monks were into cosplay or anime. The man came over with his camera ready and with a grin he said “Why are you running I just wanted your photo” The monk I was running from was…Avatar Aang.
Story about Russell taking period pain tablets - 19/08/07
- Jon: Are your breasts getting bigger?
- Russell: Are my breasts getting bigger?
- Jon: Yeah, you just look a bit fuller today...
- Russell: You f- oh...
- Jon: *laughs* He's walking out! Well, I'll just tell this story then, and the reason I asked that question-
- Russell: I've just had an e-mail in 'I've got several unused bras that Russell can have'
- Jon: *laughs*
- Russell: *sighs* 'Has he worked his way up to a D cup, yet?' - Angela in Derbyshire, two kisses.
- Jon: I just thought they were looking a bit fuller, and your voice seems to have gone up a semi-tone as well
- Russell: No, I'm fine
- Jon: You sure?
- Russell: I'm alright, look at that
- Jon: Why are you taking your top off?
- Russell: Just to prove to you, that's right
- Jon: You're lactating... You are actually lactating... Have you taken anything you shouldn't this week?
- Russell: Oh, you son of a-
- Jon: *laughs* I think maybe you've taken something that... Perhaps, you know, might have affected your masculinity?
- Russell: Fffff-
- Jon: You've not had a headache or anything?
- Russell: Oh, I took 2 tickets for your show, ooooh!
- Jon: I think what you took is you said *as Russell* 'Excuse me, lady who runs the gig, I got a right headache on, have you got anything?' To which she replied 'All I've got, Russell, is these pills for period pain'
- Russell: *shouts*
- Jon: Yeah *laughs* I know everything about you!
- Russell: DEVIL WOMAN!
- Jon: 'I've got these pills for period pains, but you wouldn't want-' *as Russell* 'Ooh, if they're pink though, I'll imagine it's a sweetie, and I'll have 2 of them!' Now you've got boobies and milk all over you!
- Russell: Oh, God, that's-
- Jon: Taking pills for period pains. Popping pills during the Edinburgh Festival! If there are reviewers listening, and you're going to Russell's show, just know it's chemically enhanced
- Russell: Ah, what a mistake...
- Jon: Stinks of oestrogen in here!
- Russell: I got... Yeah, well, I was doing a late night gig, and I felt really ill, and she said, um, Rebecca, who runs the gig, was lovely, was kinda going 'Do you want to take these,? They're for really bad period pain' And I got really funny about it, she offered my 2, and I only took 1, um, because you get scared, do you know what I mean? In case something really bad happens to you
- Jon: *as Russell* 'Go on, you eat one first'
- *Both giggle*
- Russell: So yeah, I took them, those tablets, I make so many mistakes, and people pick up on them, and they tell you
- Jon: Yeah!
- Russell: When are you going to slip up?
- Jon: That's great now, because people keep... Around Edinburgh, people tell me 'You know what Russell did, don't you?' 'No' 'He ate a rabbit, off the floor'
- Russell: *giggles*
- Jon: 'Really? Go on...'
