I found a Funnel Web Spider in my house last night.
So, my cat was playing with a Funnel Web Spider last night at about 2am.
I thought it was a Huntsman, but when it started rearing up, I noticed his fangs.
Jester was just like, cooooool… and pawing him around, and the spider kept fucking off like, “OH GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE. WHERE THE FUCK AM I?”
But yeah, eventually he did rear up. So, being the person I am, and the spider not really interested in biting, but more interested in escaping the wrath of my cat, I did the old paper and cup trick.
You chuck a cup, or bowl or something, over the top, and then grab some paper and slide it underneath the spider, and carry it away to somewhere safe where the spider can pissbolt away.
People I told asked me why I didn’t squish it.
I didn’t squish it because it was just trying to get away.
He did act slightly aggressive once, but he didn’t bite my cat or attempt to crawl on him or anything.
Later on, I confirmed what the spider was, a male Toowoomba Funnel Web Spider.
Below is a male, and the next picture is what they look like when they’re losing their shit.
I feel bad hurting little critters like this, even though they are highly venomous. My cat was fine, more interested in playing, and the spider was trying to get the fuck out and away from him.
These spiders can kill people, but one big stomp can flatten them and erase their existence.
Spiders are amazing.
Day eight Morning, or: "Cats, Funnel Web spiders and The Bronx"
So yesterday morning I had my first unexpected animal encounter. And it was horrific.
Okay I guess I better back track a little here. It was morning, and I did what I did best in the morning, pulled my carcass out of bed and went to work.
And it started off swimmingly.
Before the incident.
I’ll set the scene. It was as bright as a newborn babe’s smile outside, and the air smelled of lavender and strawberries. There was the sound of laughter echoing throughout the town, and the humpback whales waved at the sharks as everyone was friends.
And then I met a character I did not much want to be friends with.
In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that I’d never like to see this hairy mutant again.
After unfolding the sheets, and fluffing up the pillows, and pulling the quilt up as far as it will go (hospital folding, get around it), I turned away for a moment to take in the sight of the sun and the warm breeze and the sharks and whales playing happily with each other. But when I turned back. I felt a part of my soul die.
I’d just like to point out that if it wasn’t already obvious, I’m pretty into hyperbole.
Crawling out of the covers (which I’d just been touching), was a nasty, black, hairy, racist, rude, unwelcome, 7cm long funnel web spider.
Get a ruler out. That’s bigger than you think. And when you could have been touching it, well I’d definitely been touching it’s environment, it’s enough to give you the heebee jeebies.
And what was my phrase of choice in my moment of anguish? What was the pure filth I ejected? What was the choice phrase to summate the feeling of the bottom of my stomach turning to goo?
“Oh dear” I said.
No, really, I wish I was joking. I could have died and that would have been my choice phrase.
So I did what any true outback chick would do. I grabbed the Ajax spray and wipe and I sprayed the crap out of him. He seemed perplexed. So I called to the girl working in the next room and we managed to lure the monster onto a dustpan and brush and flicked him out of the door with such a force that he’s probably still in orbit around a small planet in the outer reaches of the galaxy.
So we went back to work, before I had yeT ANOTHER animal encounter. Although this one was of the cute kind. Apparently one of the long term guests had got lonely and had bought a kitten despite the no pets rule. But who am I to dob in such a cute kitty? I’m not Hitler. So I played with the cat and all was well.
I guess I should backtrack a little bit to the title of this post, and it’s only a phrase I’ve been hearing recently. The Bronx. It is a local term for where I’m staying, and I don’t know if it’s derogatory or is a well known, charming pseudonym for the staff quarters.
“Oh hey, I’m Robyn, I’m new here”
“Oh cool, where you staying?”
“Oh, The Bronx?”
See, I’m not making this stuff up. Well, I could be, and you guys wouldn’t really know, but honestly, I’m not that creative!
Also managed to get to Mrs Mac’s shed today which was amazingly cheap. Got a full length steamer wetsuit for a whopping price of $2, and FINALLY some plates and cutlery for about $3 all up. Redic.
Still as sick as a fully sick subwoofer, but will load up on the codral some more and can hopefully get into work tonight.
Over and out cadets!