"Are you okay?"

Outloud: “yeah, I’m fine.”

In my head: “No, fuck, i’m not okay- i’m far from okay. I’m fucking breaking down. I’m alone. But I can’t say that out loud because you’ll all say ‘no you’re not, we’re here.’ yeah, well I am alone. I’m fucking alone and no one can make me feel wanted. the person who did left. just like the others. that’s how it always is. they leave. people always leave. and why? because of some dumb excuse. ‘it wasn’t working out.’ ‘we didn’t click’. well how about this, you fucking hurt me. you can apologize all you want, but you have no idea how much you’ve screwed me over. if it was the first time, i might be okay right now, but it’s not. this is the millionth time. maybe you don’t know what i’ve been through, but i’m not fucking okay. i’m worthless. i’m selfish. i’m a bitch. i’m never pretty enough. i’m too obnoxious. these are the thoughts that run through my head every fucking day, but i can’t say that. because people fucking look up to me. i’m fucking strong. i’m strong for myself, and those people that need me. but i can’t be strong. not right now. i can only sit in my room and cry over depressing love songs because that’s the best i can get right now. but i’m gonna sit here, in this moment and lie to your face and say i’m okay, because i just don’t want to talk about it. you don’t need to know how weak i really am. i don’t want to disappoint you. i’ve already disappointed myself.”