What my sister posted about fostering. She never ceases to amaze me.
We have had our foster children for 8 months now. Its gone incredibley fast considering some NIGHTS felt 8 months long! I sit here with tears in my eyes. Tears for so many reasons. Their birth father missed his 7th visit in a row. No calls to explain. Just no shows. Seems like he has given up. My heart breaks for him ….and the kids- especially my Big Man. He really loves his father and has a connection with him. A connection he doesn’t have with his birth mom. Tears for their mother. She loves her kids so much but she in all honesty doesn’t have the skills or mental ability to properly care for them. Dan asked me one day…”who will help them with their sciene projects if they go back”.He’s right. She is very sweet and very appreciative ….and operates on what seems to be a 4th grade level. Tears because they have come SUCH A LONG WAY in this short amount of time. Words can not even describe how troubled my Big Man was. He would scream all t he time…a scream that could peel paint … he wouldn’t sleep…. night time was dreaded by everyone in the house. … all symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder that he would be diagnosed with 3 months into our care. And lets through in a severe case of asthma just for fun! Little Miss would follow her brothers lead… all just mimicking but non less, we had it in stereo. I truly thought we were in way over our head. Tears bc I went through their clothes tonight and they have just about outgrown them all. They were so little when we got them. They were both so malnourished…and termed failure to thrive. Dan put a pair of pants on Big Man today and they were high waters!!!! Littlw Miss is up 2 clothes sizes!! Tears of joy :) Because of the help of Spencer, Luke, Patrick, incredible family and friends, we now have little loves who seem yo be at peace. I am sitting in a quiet house… with eyes full of tears bc when it was bed time at 8 after baths, story time, rocking and songs, I put them both in their beds, kissed them good night, told them I loved them and went down stairs….no crying…. no screaming…. no fits….. no throwing things….just an ” I wuv you mommy” from both of them… I am waiting for Dan to come home from a gig…the house hasn’t been this quiet in 8 months. ………….deeep breath…………….. I think we actually might make it. ♥
Help Preserve Native American Children and Culture
Hi friends!
Sadly, each year, 90% of over 700 Lakota children taken by South Dakota’s Department of Social Services are placed in non-Native foster care, impeding these children from learning and furthermore continuing their beloved culture.
Lakota People’s Law Project, a non-profit law firm that is working with the Indian Child Welfare Act directors in South Dakota, we are pushing to make the Bureau of Indian Affairs keep its pledge to hold a summit on Lakota foster care. The summit is 9 months overdue!
We have a petition going around on our Facebook. If you could pass it along, it would help return these children back to their tribes and families. We need as many signatures as possible!
This is the link to the petition: https://www.facebook.com/LakotaPeoplesLawProject/app_128953167177144
If you would like to learn more, visit us at:
How I became a mom.
Tomorrow is a special Mother’s Day. It is also my daughter’s 7th birthday :) My ex and I tried to get pregnant for about 6 years. Not that it matters, but it’s because of me. I have really bad endometriosis. I had a couple of surgeries and pain wise, I am now fine, but no babies for me. The ex I have to say was always wonderful about it. As he would say, he was not committed to having a biological child. He just wanted to be a dad. As a midwife, I REALLY wanted to go through the process. I wanted to see what my body could do. When we were a ridiculous amount in debt from multiple IVFs, IUIs, tons of hormones and insurance was all out, so we made a decision to adopt. Since I had been in women’s health and had worked NICU and nursery as a nurse and had been a nanny throughout college, I was ok with the idea of not having a newborn. The ex was fine with that idea as well. (he’s a good guy) We decided that there were so many kids in NYC that were in foster care that needed families we would go that route. We started the application process. Still very early in the process, an amazing thing happened.
I went to work on a Saturday morning and my friend said, “Your baby is in the NICU.” A beautiful little girl was brought in the night before by EMS and was going to foster care. I called the ex and he said, “bring me home that baby!” I spoke to Social Work and ACS on Monday, was in court in Wednesday, had a home visit on Thursday and brought my daughter on Friday. She was a Safe Haven baby, brought to a fire house and left there by a young girl. We found out the story later on from the fireman who was on duty. The fireman said that he was standing outside and there was a teenage girl who had a jacket in her arms and kept walking up and down the street. Next door there was a rectory and the girl kept walking up to the door and knocking on it, but no one was there. The fireman (who i am forever grateful to) asked the girl what was wrong and she showed him what was bundled up in the jacket. There was a little naked baby with the placenta still attached. The fireman brought my little peanut to my hospital and the birth mom to another hospital. It turns out that the pregnancy was concealed and she delivered by herself in her bathroom.
Peanut was our foster daughter for 2 1/2 years before she was officially adopted. The birth mom never came forward and I hope one day she will. I love her and am so grateful that she gave me the best present in the world.
Please don’t reblog this. I don’t share this often. It will be Peanut’s story to tell.
Well now that I'm listening to that song here's some more sad stuff to think about
Sometimes I think about what would’ve happened in a doomed timeline where Bro grows up without Cal.
Like maybe he was sent back in time with a different item, or maybe the people who found him crash-landed on his meteor didn’t think he needed Cal and so they got rid of him because he was dirty, or maybe one of his foster parents took Cal away and destroyed him when Bro was really young. It’s horrible to think about because I really think that growing up with Cal is the thing that shaped Bro’s entire personality. I get asks all the time questioning me about how and when and where I think Bro found Cal, but people seem to be forgetting that Bro has known Cal literally from the moment he was born. He crawled right into Cal’s lap and fell asleep there in the ectobiology lab. He knew Cal was meant for him, even in his first few minutes of life.
We know absolutely nothing for certain about Bro’s childhood except that he somehow hung onto Cal and preserved him throughout all 20+ years of his life prior to finding Dave. That’s dedication, love, and integrity the likes of which most people can’t even begin to comprehend. What would he be like if he didn’t have that stable presence in his life, then? Would he have found something else? Would he have realized that something was missing?
If he was sent back in time with Cal before the timeline split, I think he would have definitely realized that there was a missing piece in his life. Psychological studies have shown that babies unable to bond with their parent during key stages in their lives, or even a parental substitute, get really, really fucked up, distant, and insecure. If Bro’s instincts had drawn him to Cal from birth, and then he had Cal taken away from him? Even being so tiny, a part of him would remember all his life, and mourn for that presence.
So without Cal, Bro grows up withdrawn, agonizingly shy, spiteful, uncomfortable, and empty. He stares off into space without realizing why he’s doing it, wondering deep in his subconscious what it is that he’s looking for, and why he feels so lonely all the time. He doesn’t make friends easily, or at all, really. He steals things. He has night terrors. He’s curious about puppets, but he doesn’t understand why, and looking at them makes him happy at first, but then he starts to collect them, and the more he has and the more time he spends with them, the sadder he gets because none of them are right.
He grows up to be a very lonely and antisocial man, barely securing a job and spending every day of his life wondering why he’s never felt satisfied in his life. He drinks heavily into his 20’s and 30’s. He never finds Dave. He’s without purpose until the day he dies.
‘Tragic’ number of aboriginal children in foster care stuns even the experts
calgaryherald.comNewly released data from the National Household Survey suggest that, of the approximately 30,000 children in care in Canada in 2011, 14,225 were aboriginal.
Obama: Kids Stuck in Foster Care Due to Deportation a “Real Problem”
alternet.orgThat investigation found that when mothers and fathers are detained and their children are in foster care, parents can do little to advocate for their families. In reviewing hundreds of individual cases, we found no parent who had been transported from detention to appear at the juvenile court hearings that determined their family’s future. Many could not even access their hearings by phone. We further learned that, once parents are deported, child welfare departments and juvenile courts often move to terminate parental rights, which clears a child for adoption.
Ricardo, a father from Napa, Calif., who our researchers met inside an Arizona detention center in February, has been detained for almost a year while he awaits deportation. His 1- and 2-year-old babies are living in foster care with strangers.
Ricardo’s children were removed from his custody because a babysitter left them alone for less than an hour and a neighbor called the police. Ricardo, whose name has been changed, and his wife, a U.S. citizen, were arrested and convicted on misdemeanor child endangerment charges. But because he is an undocumented immigrant, rather than being released and quickly moving to regain custody of his children, his information was run through a federal database and ICE moved him to detention. His wife suffers from seizures and the county child welfare department refused to place their babies with her unless Ricardo was present to parent as well.
But Ricardo was not present because ICE had detained him and, despite the child welfare system’s mandate toward family reunification, his children have now been in foster care for close to a year. Ricardo has been fully excluded from family court proceedings because he is detained. His parental rights will soon be terminated, according to an immigration advocate familiar with the case.
