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Me: What? What on earth is safety?
Student: Really, Miss At? After these past two years you still don’t know what safety is?
Student: When someone yells “safety,” it means they just farted and you need to take cover.
Me: Oh my gracious.
Student: I can’t believe you didn’t know…
I'm going to fart
- Luke: [age 7] "Hey. I'm going to fart, I can tell. Here it comes. One... two... three..." [loudly passes gas]
- Me: "That's disgusting."
- Luke: "Come on, it's funny!" [starts laughing hysterically]
- Me: "Look at me. Do I look like I think it's funny?"
- Luke: "No, you've got on your 'I am not amused' face." [still laughing]
- Me: "Exactly. So what do you think about that?"
- Luke: "Your face makes this EVEN FUNNIER!"
Breaking News: Canine Flatulence Linked With Human Longevity
GHENT, BELGIUM, Jan. 21, 2012 — A new study released by scientists at the University of Ghent in Belgium has identified a correlation between healthy, human centenarians and their life-long exposure to canine flatulence.
“Those 100-year-olds in our study who have spent a significant portion of their lives around dogs with pronounced flatulence issues were found to be 68% more likely to have retained strong mental faculties and 73% more likely to be free of any major physical ailments,” announced lead researcher Bernard Accoyer.
The next phase of the research will entail determining which components of dog flatulence are the key to human longevity in the hopes that a less unpleasant synthetic compound can be created for human consumption.