You wanna know why I hate 50 Shades of Grey? This is why.
Not because it’s got hundreds of thousands of women reading bad porn and thinking it’s tee-hee scandalous/marvelous, while we (the fanfiction community) have to sit by and seethe, knowing that they’re reading utter, utter shit.
Not because it’s Twilight fanfiction.
Not because it’s search-and-replace Twilight fanfiction.
Not because it’s a rotten representation of BDSM.
And—honestly—not because it sucks.
I hate it because it is, now and forever, The Official Ambassador for Fanfiction to the Public at Large—and thanks to that, The Public at Large now has this to say about fanfiction:
50 Shades of Grey, for the blissfully uninitiated, is a book trilogy written by E.L. James (no relation to Fudge), a woman who loved Twilight, but was annoyed that there wasn’t enough sex in it. (Seriously.) So she wrote some fan-fiction and it became “internet popular.”
Fan-fiction is the written word equivalent of taking two naked dolls and mashing them together to make what you think sex looks like when you’re 10 years old. And it’s written at that level.
That is why I hate 50 Shades of Grey. Because, as is nigh-inevitable when a subculture truly breaks wide, the worst possible example of that subculture is what does it. It makes me want to punch things (and by “things” I mean “people”), and that’s no good for my blood pressure.
I have read one post on Jane Pratt's new website and I already hate everything about it.
Per Maura’s post at the Voice, which points out xojane’s ridiculous post calling for “more female singer-songwriters,” I checked out Jane’s new site. Now, I say this as someone who has never read Sassy or Jane but as someone who doesn’t like STUPID THINGS like this sentence:
Cause the clothes were all right, but what was really awesome about the 90s was that it was the decade “Women in Rock” became a “thing.”
I guess you could say “Women in Rock” became a “thing” because it was a nice piece of marketing bullshit rather than something that happened for the first time in the ’90s. Because, uh: Marianne Faithfull, Debbie Harry, Laura Nyro, Joni Mitchell, Carly Simon, Carole King, Judee Sill, Dusty Springfield, Stevie Nicks, ET CETERA ET CETERA ET CETERA SHUT UPPPPPP.
Also, this fucking bullshit:
Jane hates nostalgia, so I’ll try not to get too gay about this…
Are you fucking serious right now
“…Abraham may never know if his tirade got him eliminated, but what I do know is that Blake and Michael (the only boys left in the competition) are much more easier on the eyes, so I don’t mind seeing Abraham go.”
Yes, Hollywood Life, let’s prioritize the bland white guys over all of the other contestants, especially because that NEVER HAPPENS EVER in Hollywood, particularly not when Ryan Murphy is involved. /sarcasm
Do you people seriously consider this journalism?
I will only post this once.
If you use bullshit statistics about ‘false rape reports’ for the express purpose of demonizing feminism (and for the even more express purpose of demonizing survivors of sexual violence), you are a piece of shit.
If you cling to every story of rape accusations that were proven to be false and use it as a fucking bludgeon against victims, all in the name of your fucking ‘holy crusade’ against feminism, you are a piece of shit.
If you take extremist/fringe rhetoric and take this to mean a war that all feminists are fighting against the good, nice men, you are a piece of shit.
If you froth at the mouth at the mere mention of feminism, you’re not person interested in justice. You’re not interested in ending domestic violence on either side, you’re not interested on the effects of a warped self-image on young boys, due to toxic, hyper-masculinity and you’re sure as fuck not interested in doing anything about the male victims of sexual violence that you otherwise like to grotesquely parade front and center when it suits your fucking agenda, when it’s convenient for your plans.
If you do any of these things, you are solely interested in continuing to enforce rape culture and the patriarchy that harms both men and women, because that’s a position of power for you. That’s where you go unchallenged and that’s where all your needs can be fulfilled in the easiest way, without all of this foolish talk about ‘bodily autonomy’ and ‘agency’ and ‘balance of power’ and fucking ‘consent.’ You are a piece of shit.