Giving it to you staight
As we rapidly approach the, unfathomable to me, one year “anniversary” of my Dad’s death, I feel no closer to “healing” than I did the day he died. In fact, I would venture to say, I feel further from it than I did that day. That day I rationalized the fact that he was no longer in pain, no longer suffering, no longer on this incredibly unfair journey, but in a better place. I was consumed with, What’s next? Is my Mom ok? Who do we need to call? What arrangements need to be made?
Today…today, that’s all bullshit! Today, I want my Dad back. I want my life back. I want to not look around my house and be reminded that he’s gone, to the point that I don’t even want to be there. I want my husband to have his Father Figure back, his friend, his mentor. I want things to feel like they make sense.
This is not to say there have not been days that I have felt good, days that I have laughed and thought things were getting “better,” because I have. But not always, not today. Something is always missing. Something still feels empty. I guess this is my new normal. I guess one day this will feel better than it does today, but I’m just not there yet.
What Would I Do Without YouDrew Holcomb and The Neighbors
What Would I Do Without You - Drew Holcomb and The Neighbors
“The Day of Arousal”
Strengths: Empathic, critical, stimulating.
Weaknesses: Self-important, harsh, reactive.
Meditation: Awakening others carries tremendous responsibilities.
Advice: Keep things simple, and always human. Don’t get carried away; take yourself a bit less seriously. Learn to listen, share responsibility and sometimes let others be the boss.
Health: Those born on February 26 often have confidence in their ability to keep themselves in good health through autosuggestion and a positive outlook. They do, however, have strong sensual needs, often manifesting in a love of food and other physical pleasures. Diet can be a real problem for them for this reason. They must make a special effort to curb their loves for butter, cream, rich sauces and delicious, but fattening, foods. They can be prone to all sorts of allergies, particularly those that produce mucus, which makes cutting down on milk products still more vital. Although physically active in their youth, many February 26 people get too comfortable and sedentary as they grow older and in some cases ignore their need for physical exercise altogether. They should fight this tendency and partake in regular, moderate exercise.
Numbers and planets: Those born on the twenty-sixth of the month are ruled by the number eight and by the planet Saturn. Saturn posits responsibility and a sense of limitation, caution and fatalism; in the case of February 26 people, conservative and dictatorial tendencies may be emphasized. The combined influence of Saturn with Neptune, can make for magnetic, almost hypnotic powers of attraction. Those ruled by the number eight generally build their lives and careers slowly and carefully. Although they may be quite warmhearted, saturnian influences can lend them a forbidding, even grave appearance.
Others born on February 26: Michael Bolton, Johnny Cash, Jackie Gleason.
“Those born on February 26 have a great capacity to arouse others both emotionally and mentally. They are highly attuned to people’s sensitivities and therefore able to stir them deeply. Very adept at wielding irony and satire, they are also able to bring critical faculties to bear on the faults of both people and social institutions. More highly evolved individuals born on this day devote themselves to selfless causes in order to benefit their fellow human beings, often awakening them to the possibilities of both material and spiritual advancement.
Although February 26 people are highly individualistic, often engaged in a somewhat lonely pursuit of personal goals, they have a quiet but magnetic effect on those they meet. Most born on this day are not given to public displays of affection, and are more comfortable when spontaneity and impulsiveness originate with the other party. But while in private they are often quiet, serious and peace-loving individuals, they generally adopt a much more aggressive persona in their work life.
Because those born on this day are capable of wounding others deeply with their criticisms are probing insights, they must beware of arousing enmity and antagonism. But though February 26 people, particularly as parents, can be overly authoritarian on occasion, they are rarely as firm or decided in their stance as they would like to appear. Actually they are very vulnerable to emotional appeals and their buttons a bit easy to push. here indulgences for their lovers, family members or children are concerned, this may not be such a bad thing. However, it is best if those born on this day lessen their reactiveness when handling their business or professional affairs. Many February 26 people have a bad habit of presenting an overserious or even high-handed demeanor, and should therefore try to lighten up and take themselves a bit less seriously. More highly evolved February 26 people develop a much-needed capacity to laugh at themselves, without losing dignity or self-esteem.
Due to their empathic powers, February 26 people can strike a common chord in those whom they do not know that well or even have never met. Being on the same wave length with others and sharing good feelings is very highly valued by them. Those born on this day are extremely happy when there is no need to explain themselves but can feel assured that another person silently understands their thinking.
Because many February 26 people secretly feel on the outside of society, being accepted carries great significance for them. In gaining social recognition for their often unusual achievements, they are brought into meaningful contact with society at large. However, should they assume positions of importance or receive a great ideal of worldly success, they may feel but a heightened desire to be alone once again with their work.”