I was headed for divorce and found a boyfriend instead <83
Polyamory to me means being set free. Living and loving who and how I want. Not expecting the world from one person but building a family to build you up and building them up too.
August 2011, Will and I had been together for just a few weeks shy of seven years, married for two of them. We were the perfect married couple. We each worked 50 hours a week, saved every dime to work towards a house, dressed perfectly, lost a combined household weight of 130 lbs, went to the gym, ate whole grains… and hated each other. We had abandoned all we were and who we wanted to be in favor of being what was expected of us. I’d given up my painting, crazy hair colors, art, piercings, writing, and even listening to music in favor of talk radio or silence in the car.
Then Mike happened. I don’t know which came first— it’s definately a chicken or the egg situation— Mike or the “Dark Ages” when Will & I separated. But, Mike made me want to paint and dream and write and create again. He put something other than budgets and bottom lines in my head. He brought me back from my adult coma into the world of the living. And we fell in love. But I loved Will.
AND I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL TO DO!!!
Until I just accepted it.
I identify as poly- but to me it’s more something that happened and it is just my life. Mike saved me, and helped save my marriage, and we’ve all been set free. I’m not saying there haven’t been sacrifices. Some of us have lost friends, family, and we’ve all lost a bit of our sanity. But what I’ve found is my two people who love me unconditionally and accept me the way I am— and they’ve helped me accept myself the way I am. 9 months later as my little family grows into their happy, strange little world I can say I’ve never felt so loved or felt so sure about who I am. I am thankful that Will and I found a way that we could be together and love each other closer and more openly than we ever have before. I am thankful that I found a second partner to help build me up. I hope for the same for them as well.
(posted for the #facesofpolyamory project)
#Faces of Polyamory
We want to create a world where everyone can be open about their relationship choices - without worrying about losing jobs and losing children. We want to show the world that polyamorous people are normal, stable, healthy, friendly, contributing members of society. And we’re cute too!
After presenting this idea at a poly potluck last night, many people volunteered to have their pictures taken and shared with a short statement about what polyamory means to them. We’ll be posting these regularly over the coming weeks.
We would love for as many people as possible to participate! Post a picture of yourself, along with a personal statement about what poly means to you and as much of your name as you feel comfortable sharing. Use the “FacesOfPolyamory” tag. We will re-blog and share across our network.
We need to give polyamory as many faces as possible.
This is me, DameKitten, on a gorgeous spring day in Seattle with my central partner.
Faces of Polyamory
I actually waffled about doing this. Plenty of poly people in the online media trade on being hot young (or nearly young) thangs. Sex sells and selling poly is gonna have some sex in it. I mean, geez! Thing is, let’s get real, not all people who have sex look like porn stars, nor should they have to, and poly people are… people with all the range in appearance that humans come in. So, this is me: Goddess of Java and Polyamorous Misanthrope. Middle-aged, matronly, and yeah, actively poly.
To me, polyamory is not this big philosophical thing, but a logical extension of the fact that humans can’t really own humans, and that the sexual act is moral or immoral based on the same criteria as any other act. Love? If you think love, no kidding, LOVE (as opposed to the foolishness we engage in when hormonally carbonated) is ever immoral, I don’t wanna know you.
I’ve pretty much been poly all my life. I lived in a group marriage for awhile, and now I don’t. (Boring story, sorry). I’m opinionated on parenting, take big bites out of life and sometimes even write about it. I’ve been married almost 22 years my husband is poly and it works happily for us. I suppose I could make this big relationship deal out of it, but you know, what works happily is pretty awesome by itself and I’m not sure it needs more than that.