Tom Hiddleston is a great cosmic prank being played on us all. Theory:
On a cold, wintry day in 1981, God decided it was time to pull another epic joke on women (the childbirth thing having, by that point, worn rather thin). He gazed upon the magical land that its inhabitants call Britain and chose a wee babe just emerging from the womb. And God said, “Yea, this child shall grow into a man whose perfections are boundless, and they shall call him Hiddles.” God made the child’s hair from tendrils of sunlight, his eyes from the clearest blue sky, and his smile from all the love the world had ever held.
The child indeed grew into a man whose perfections are boundless, and the women of the world called him Hiddles and fell at his feet in droves. And being boundlessly perfect, Hiddles was humbly grateful for the outpouring of affection, blissfully unaware that he was exploding ovaries and slowly killing all his loyal admirers. The torment of these mortal women was so exquisite that they would not trade their misery for the world.
And THAT, dear readers, is why Tom Hiddleston is perfect- we have been cosmically Loki’d.
Next, I will explore the mystical origins and purpose of Benedict Cumberbatch.
