#304: Pinky Promises
- Max: They’re those silly little things that he asks for late in the night, when he’s on the edge of sleep and sunk down deep inside his subconscious. Sometimes the things he gets you to swear to are simple, but other times they’re serious, little things that he doesn’t have the guts to say to you fully awake.
- Tom: Sometimes he asks you to pinky swear when the moment has gotten too serious. He’ll grin goofily and stick his hand out, pinky slung out as he shoves it towards you. “Pinky swear?” he chuckles, tears building in his eyes as he watches you. And you oblige him because you understand, you get why he’s so guarded with his emotions.
- Jay: They’re those things he asks for when he’s sad and has no one else by his side. While he struggles to resist the urge to pick up some form of alcohol, he fights back tears and holds one of your hands in his while extending the pinky of his other. “Pinky swear that you’re never going to leave me, no matter what.”
- Siva: Sometimes he asks you to pinky swear when he wants you to know that he can be playful. Most of the time some sexual innuendo has passed his full lips and he’s grinning while his dark skin heats up with a fierce blush, lumbering closer towards you while hooking his pinky through yours, making you swear to act out his words later on.
- Nathan: They’re those little things that he asks for as you two are panting beside each other, worn out and naked and covered in sweat as the tangled sheets barely cover an inch of skin. He grabs your pinky with his and, smiling lazily, says, “Pinky swear that you’ll do that to me more often.”
#303: Stealing Kisses
- Max: He steals them in the morning, when you’re still drowsy and shoving your messy hair out of your face. When he lightly presses his lips against yours in surprise, he’ll shake with laughter and pull back, cupping one side of your face in his hand while he watches you blink up at him in confusion.
- Tom: He steals them when you’re sad, when tears are leaking from your eyes and you can’t even bring yourself to look him in the eye. Maybe it’s not the most appropriate thing to do, but he doesn’t care; you just look so miserable and heartbroken, and he’ll be damned if he’s just going to sit there.
- Jay: He steals them when you’re laughing, when your lips are swelled up in a wide, natural smile and your pretty eyes are crinkled and glittering. He’ll reach out for your face and grasp it gently in his big, rough hands before pushing his mouth against yours, trying not to smile too much.
- Siva: He steals them when you’re not paying attention, when you’ve got your nose shoved in a box or you’re warped up in a television series. Sometimes he just can’t help himself and so he’ll act without thinking, capturing your lips with his as he mumbles about how cute you are.
- Nathan: He steals them when you’re mad at him, when you think that you just can’t stand to look at his face. During fights, he’s never one to walk out and he won’t let you leave either; instead, he grabs you up and holds you against him, peppering your lips with sweet apology pecks.
i had a dream i didnt know i was pregnant and then i was like “SHIT IVE BEEN DRINKING ALCOHOL THE ENtiRE TIME” and then i got to go to the hospital and ride in a wheelchair and the nurse was like ‘we have to stretch ur vagina with an eggplant to prepare” and i was like, yeah, sounds legit
but in the end it turned out i wasnt actually pregnant
#305: It's the First 'I Love You'
- Max: And he’s hoping he won’t mess up, that his mouth won’t get ahead of his brain and he’ll be able to properly convey how he really feels. As he moves closer, he slings his arm gently over your shoulders and sort of pulls you snuggly into his side. “I just…” he sighs, hanging his head a little. “I want you to know that I love you—that I’m in love with you.”
- Tom: And maybe most people say this before they’ve slept together, but he’s never really done things like everyone else. When he cups one side of your face as the two of you lie underneath the sheets, eyes droopy and lips swollen and red, he smiles, nuzzling his nose against yours. “I love you,” he whispers. “And I mean that, but now like I love us fucking. I love you, baby.”
- Jay: And it’s not because of the beer he’s had or the way you move your body against his, either. He says those three words because you’ve manage to break that liquor daze he always seems to be caught up in and brought whatever he’d been missing into his life. But he’s never been here and he’s scared, sure and hopelessly having fell for you, but frightened to death.
- Siva: And, sure, he’s a sappy guy, but right now he doesn’t care about all the times he’s been made fun of. All that matters is how you make his heart beat out of his chest and that he’s pretty damn sure he’d throw himself in front of a car to save your life. “I know it probably sounds stupid,” he mutters, licking his lips. “But I mean it, darlin’. I love you so damn much.”
- Nathan: And he’s so happy that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stop grinning long enough to tell you. But he manages to get his lips to droop down for a second and then he lurches into the speech he’d rehearsed so many times, fumbling some parts and laughing because, goddamn, you make him happy and he’s never had someone do that in such a way before.
LXV.
A List of Things I Have The Freedom To Be Undecided About Again:
Maybe one day I would like to buy a pack of cigarettes and make my fingers smell like tobacco before I consume the beast between my lungs.
I have always wondered as to whether I really want children or not. Now I can make love to the ideas for as long as I want to.
I have never had a concrete idea on spending an entire lifetime together. That isn’t something that children should be brought up to know. I have an entire lifetime to let life surprise me. Even if it means making lifelong partnerships obsolete.
I wonder how other lips may taste and if their breath tastes as solid. With chemistry comes small experiments. Burns I am willing to take.
Sometimes people are too scared too move on because they have never been with anyone else and they don’t know how. I don’t have to be fifty and divorced to have to force myself to try it.
I can spend incredible amounts of time with myself: late at night eating bowls of cereals, in the afternoon to play video games, in the morning taking showers long enough to finish the hot water. I will not feel guilty about those things ever again.
I will travel and fall in love.
I will come back and fall in love.
I will create something so big and so daring that I will stumble and fall back in frightened sense of what-do-I-do-now. I will have myself to pick me up and ask the same thing with more intention.
I will be happy.
I will be happy.
I will be happy.
