Liz: So I had this apartment to myself for 10 years because I was having an affair with my boss and he paid half the rent so he'd have some place nice to do it. But then he got murdered... and I couldn't really afford it on my own. So what's your story?
Karen: Since my marriage ended I've been living at The Palace and even though I've made a lot of swell friends... it's lonely.
[Karen tries to pour a soda into a glass without opening it]
Karen: I want a real home, with real people. I mean you're real, right?
Liz: [Liz opens the soda... Karen looks in awe as she pours the soda] Super real. So, okay, true or false? I'm easy to live with.
Karen: Um, true!
Liz: False! I'm a nitpicker supreme. I think it comes from all my years as a professional in the music biz.
Karen: You're in music?
Liz: I didn't want to put it on the ad because you get all these wannabees knocking on the door. I'm an office manager for the company that does those collections that you see on TV. You know "Hits of the 80's", "Ladies of the 80's", "Rock Ballad's of the 80's"... "the 90's".
Karen: Well I can see why you'd want to keep that a secret Liz. I mean you must really never know if people are liking you for you or the 80's hits.
Liz: You should know that I like things done a certain way, just ask Melissa and Keith. They work under me. Like if they're 5 minutes late for work, I look at my watch, I look at them and they just get it. Oh my God I totally just bragged. Please tell me to shut up... cut to me still talking about myself.
Karen: Um, Liz, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I think, that you might be, just about the most interesting person I've ever met... I could learn tons from you.
Liz: Okay, okay, true or false... I think you're great?
Karen: Um, false.
Karen: Oh this game is so hard!
Karen: Wow that may have been the greatest day of my life. I love errands. They're like mini-adventures for undesirables.
Liz: Okay so your half of the bill is $30.45 and don't try rounding down like my last roommate cuz that is just f-ed up.
Karen: Well you don't have to worry about me Liz, I intend to pull my own weight around here.
Liz: Now did you take a look at the chore wheel? Cuz you're in charge of emptying the ant traps and organizing the CD tower.
Karen: Wow, how did I go my whole life without ever learning any of those words.
Liz: Karen you shouldn't of bought this cheesecake I'm like totally eating healthy this week. Ugh! Cut to me eating this whole cheesecake.
Karen: Oh Liz, I love when you do "cut to me".
Liz: Everybody does.
Karen: [pulling out a jug of wine] Oh Lizzy, I rented us a video
Liz: You are gonna get me into so much trouble.
Karen: If you're lucky!
Liz: You're crazy!
Karen: Like a fox!
Liz: I doubt it!
Karen: You wish!
Liz: Don't I ever!
Karen: You and what army?
[Karen has a huge laugh]
Karen: Oh Lizzy.
—~Karen walker and her new roomate Liz the non smoker~