My first experience with craigslist
So, I’ve always known that you can find people to have sex with on craigslist, so I decided to post an ad on the men seeking men section for lols just to see if I would get any responses. Tell me why everybody that responded was a dirty old man in their 50s-60s!? I mean I kinda like older men, but not old men! And then some of them would go into detail of what they wanted to do to me like they were writing some fucking erotic novel! Yall need calm you’re asses down!
joke of the day. not written by moi.
An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.
He asked the trainer, who was nearby,
”What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?”
The trainer looked him up and down and said,
”I would try the ATM in the lobby.”
Of Mice And [creepy old] Men
This morning was supposed to flow like every other terrible Saturday of retail work.
While trying to ring up a particularly long line of grumpy customers, the buzzer for the back door went off. I rushed back to let the FedEx guy in, accidentally kicking a small, metal box that was up against the wall into the middle of the hallway. Completely unaware, I picked up the strange, small, metal box and, to my horror, out came the ancient remains of two mice who were unfortunate enough to be just as unaware as I was that the disgusting, mysterious, small, metal box was a mouse trap.
After composing myself, I went back to the sales floor and noticed, to great relief, that it was once again slow. I went to a table to start folding some shirts that had recently been molested by hoards of senior citizens. A couple walks in, I say ‘Good morning!’ in my most sincere-yet-still-totally-fake-over-the-top-nice voice, they don’t say a word. Whatever, bitches.
“You don’t mind waiting?” she asks him, as he’s sitting down in one of our “husband chairs” right behind me.
“Nope, I’ve got a great view right here.”
ohhellznah. You better not be—
“You should say thank you when you receive compliments, young lady.”
YES, THANK YOU, OLD MAN, FOR STARING AT AND ENJOYING MY ASS. FUCK YOU, CREEPER.
Speaking of old creepers, anyone see that video of Jim Carrey professing his love to Emma Stone? Sick.
I wanna talk about some of the teachers at my school..
Mr. Wainwright: brought semen into his biology class (I was in this class!). The semen was his own.. and when one of the girls asked where he got it from he replied: “I masturbated directly into the petri dish”, back to admin duties.
Mr. Wilson: (we called him swampy, cos he smelt like and lived by a swamp) had child porn on his work computer, fired.
Mr. Slater: on a field trip to Melbourne (I was on this too! for Volleyball! haha) he had sex with two female students during a game of truth and dare. yep. Seven years prison.
so yeah.. just a taste of what the Riverland had to offer.