So there's a new low for me
I’m getting control of my emotions more or at least better at hiding it but it’s never been this hard its gettig harder I’m taking myself to new lows and I already thought I had hit the bottom obviously I haven’t this sucks well now I must run and make everything alright I have to better myself if I’m going to destroy my self I much use it to my advantage to loose weight luckily I’m restyling myself in the way that when ting to better myself they work together good..
“I don't understand anything anymore. None of it makes sense anymore because I realized nothing is supposed to, I'm not as ignorant as I used to be. I never understood what they meant when they said 'Ignorance is bliss.' but I do now. Something within me was destroying me from the inside out and I decided that to defeat that something, I'd have to destroy myself from the outside. That's how life works. We all destroy ourselves in the end.”—Me
I'm at the point of destroying myself again.
Not consciously, not on purpose.
But I’m doing it. Slowly, agonizingly, painfully. Just the way I deserve it.
Waiting for all the parts of my body to shut down. Give me the sign that they’re done. That they can’t do it anymore.
So that finally, I won’t have to do it anymore either.
I literally kill myself by thinking. Every action, everything I say I think so much. I wonder if it was the right thing to say/do. I wonder what will happen since I said that, who else will hear about it. who else will react to it and then what do I do after that? What if I was wrong, what if I pissed everyone off what if I just fucked up. So I need to stop thinking because I am literally destroying myself inside.