OMG THERE WAS A GIANT FUCKING SPIDER CRAWLING DOWN MY WALL AND I SCREAMED REALLY LOUD AND LUCKY FOR ME MY DAD WAS UP MAKING COFFEE BEFORE HIS SHOWER AND HE LIKE CAME IN LIKE “WHAT THE FUCK” AND I JUST WHEEZED AND POINTED AND HE SAW THE GIANT ASS SPIDER AND WENT TO GO KILL IT BECAUSE I AM USELESS IN SPIDER SITUATIONS AND HE FUCKING TORE OFF SOME OF ITS LEGS AND THOUGHT HE KILLED IT THEN HE LEFT TO SHOWER BUT I LOOKED AGAIN AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT IT WASN’T DEAD NO SO I WENT AND PANICKED AND RAN AROUND THE HOUSE IN PANIC AND I RAN INTO A WALL AND MY CAT SNIFFED MY FOOT WHEN I FELL AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A SPIDER TOO SO I SCREAMED AND ROLLED OVER AND THEN MY KITTY BIT ME AND I KNEW IT WASN’T A SPIDER SO I FELT BETTER BUT THEN I REMINDED MYSELF THAT I JUST LEFT THIS GIANT ASS SPIDER ALONE IN MY ROOM NOT EVEN 2 FEET FROM MY LAPTOP SO I GRABBED SOME SHOUT LAUNDRY SPRAY SHIT AND I CAME BACK AND DROWNED IT IN STAIN REMOVER
I REMOVED ITS DEAD CORPSE WITH A PAPER TOWEL AND A MIGHTY SCREECH OF “I AM A WARRIOR”
MY DAD ROLLED HIS EYES AND WENT TO SHOWER
