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So I realized what's actually been fucking bothering me all afternoon/evening.
I have never had it so thoroughly rubbed in my face that someone could do whatever they wanted to me before.
And that’s really fucking disconcerting.
I’m not a large person. I don’t really know all that much about self defense, except for the very basics, and even then, I don’t like hurting people. Even if I’m being threatened. Especially in situations in which it would be just about useless anyway, and having someone hint that they could easily take advantage of me mentally and physically is something that I resent with every fiber of my being.
That I cave in easily bothers me. Normally I don’t think about it; my inability to say “no” if someone presses. It matters a little about what exactly it is, certain things I’ll laugh because they’re simply not feasible, but if it’s possible and someone’s determined, they could get me to do quite a few different things, as long as I don’t realize on a conscious level that I’m being manipulated. That might be a lie, it’s possible that there are certain things that I just won’t do, no matter how possible they are, but when a threat is added, especially one of pain, I will most likely cave. A resentful cave, but a cave all the same, and that really, really bothers me.
I like having control. I like knowing what I’m doing, how to avoid the things I don’t want to happen, and how to get the things that I want to happen to do so. I like knowing people well enough that if I really want out of something, it’s simple, and there’re no hard feelings or whatever. This person, however, could take that entirely out of my hands because they are stronger than me physically, and know how to press mentally. I think that at a certain point, it would turn into a flat out “no, cut this shit out,” but it might depend on exactly how they go about it,and I can’t know for sure.That bothers the fuck out of me because I REALLY don’t like to be manipulated, in any way.
Especially because the way I sometimes go about making sure certain things don’t happen with people that are capable of physically overpowering me is being passive about it. If someone’s looking for a reaction, they’ll generally stop doing whatever it is to spark this reaction if you’re not giving it to them. The problem is when you can’t be assured that it’ll work that way. It’s one of the rules that I really, really rely on. Earlier today, they leaned up against my legs. It was clearly a test of my boundaries, because that’s part of what this person does. It made it so A: if they wanted to, they could easily prevent me from leaving, and B: I would practically need their permission to get up, or else it would be more difficult for me to get up. I didn’t make any move to prevent this from happening, nor did I do anything to make it stop until I was ready to get up. They poked my thigh, and rather close to though not really my crotch, and I still said nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
That should have been like, “ok, distance. Distance distance distance I do not want to be any closer to this person that I have to be.” Instead it was like, “eh, I don’t really care.” Externally, anyway. Internally it was sort of like, “there’s something wrong with this, I don’t know EXACTLY what, but it’s time for me to leave now.”
Which is, I guess, the correct way to handle it, because, as I said, you really show that something bothers you, and it’s even harder to get them to stop. But still,I should have realized on a conscious level exactly what was going on.
That situation, if it had gone wrong, would have been completely out of my control. There would have been next to nothing that I could have done, and it would have been extremely damaging to me, but yet, I allowed it to get like that. I don’t mean to say that it would have been my fault had it gotten there, because despite what they said about stopping if someone said stop at any point up to it being the “point of no return,” I’m a motherfucking minor, and they were obviously manipulating me, and me not saying anything isn’t consent. There would have been feelings like it had been my fault probably initially, but I’m pretty quick to generally realize when something is taken out of my hands, no matter what anyone says, even if I can’t express it out loud.
I don’t know. Maybe I was just lucky that they hadn’t been a worse person, but I still feel like there was something that I could have done to prevent that from getting as dangerous as it was. There was even talk about how if I weren’t so intelligent, they would probably try to seduce me, and if that didn’t work, possibly use force. I replied that it wouldn’t be fun because I would make it as boring as possible, to which they replied that it would still be fun to watch me break. If that doesn’t scream that this person, and people like them, are people to avoid, I don’t know what does. I feel so stupid for not picking up on it earlier, but at least I have now, and maybe I won’t be so fucking daft in the future.
Pizza Man Killed For Showing Up Late
MEXICO CITY – A pizza delivery man was killed in cold blood for showing up 40 minutes later than the company had said he would. The angry customer punched Andres Diaz Rivera in the face, dragged him into his house, hogged tied and blindfolded him and threw him in a room. When the man…
“We think because we have words, not the other way around, and the greater our vocabulary, the greater our ability to think conceptually. The first people a dictator puts in jail after a coup are the writers, the teachers, the librarians -because these people are dangerous. They have enough vocabulary to recognize injustice and to speak out loudly about it. Let us have the courage to go on being dangerous people.”—Madeleine L’Engle
Just received this information from an e-mail my mom sent me, and thought the best way to share it was here. Please signal boost it for others to read!
PLEASE TELL YOUR CHILDREN, PARENTS AND LOVED ONES
ABOUT THIS ONE…… THANKS!
THIS VERY GOOD INFO !!!
About Eggs Mixed with Water…….
It could save your life
Please take a few minutes & read.
It could save your life!!!!!!!!!
Didn’t know if you knew about eggs mixed with water……. So that is why I’m sending this on.
A MESSAGE FROM THE OFFICE OF ATTORNEY GENERAL
STATE OF MICHIGAN :
While driving on a rural end of the roadway on Thursday morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the road with a blanket draped over it.
For whatever reason, I did not stop, even though I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my destination, I called the Canton PD and they were going to check it out. But, this is what the Police advised even before they went out there to check….
“There are several things to be aware of … Gangs and thieves are now plotting different ways to get a person (mostly women) to stop their vehicle and get out of the car.
“There is a gang initiation reported by the local Police Department where gangs are placing a car seat by the road…with a fake baby in it….waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the abandoned baby.
“Note that the location of this car seat is usually beside a wooded or grassy (field) area and the person — woman — will be dragged into the woods, beaten and raped, and usually left for dead. If it’s a man, they’re usually beaten and robbed and maybe left for dead, too.
DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON!!! DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW, BUT DON ‘T EVEN SLOW DOWN.
Oh yea, about the EGGS:
“IF YOU ARE DRIVING AT NIGHT AND EGGS ARE THROWN AT YOUR WINDSHIELD, DO NOT STOP TO CHECK YOUR CAR, DO NOT OPERATE THE WIPERS AND DO NOT SPRAY ANY WATER BECAUSE EGGS MIXED WITH WATER BECOME MILKY, AND BLOCK YOUR VISION UP TO 92.5%, AND YOU ARE THEN FORCED TO STOP BESIDE THE ROAD AND BECOME A VICTIM OF THESE CRIMINALS.
THIS IS A NEW TECHNIQUE USED BY GANGS, SO PLEASE INFORM YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES.
THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES AND THESE ARE UNSAVORY INDIVIDUALS WHO WILL TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.”
Please talk to your loved ones about this. This is a new tactic being used. Please be safe.
Get started NOW — SEND THIS MESSAGE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES TO BE CAREFUL AND BE AWARE OF EVERYTHING AROUND THEM SO AS NOT TO BECOME THE VICTIM.
WARNING # 3:
Some knew about the red light on cars, but not Dialing 112.
It was about 1:00 p.m. In the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren’s parents have always told her to never pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.
Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called,112 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren’t, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way.
Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
I never knew about the 112 Cell Phone feature. I tried it on my AT&T phone & it said, “Dialing Emergency Number.”
Especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going on to a safe place.
*Speaking to a service representative at Bell Mobility confirmed that 112 was a direct link to State trooper info. So, now it’s your turn to let your friends know about “Dialing, 112”
You may want to send this to every Man, Woman & Youngster you know; it may well save a life.
This applies to ALL 50 states
PLEASE PASS ALONG TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY, IT CAN SAVE A LIFE….