“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have
you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” - Tony Robbins
Day 7: "And though you think that all, as you have done, Have torn their souls by turning them from us, And we are barren and bereft of friends"
There comes a time in every persons life where you evaluate and decide what is important to you. You think about the people who surround you, how you feel about yourself at this moment, and what you can afford to lose in order to gain something better.
That’s where I’m at in my life.
I walked into my apt., took a look around, looked at the people who were sitting there, and realized that this was no longer my home, if it ever was to begin with. Which was followed by another sad thought of, how many of these people actually give a shit about where I have been for 7hrs? And then a more important question entered in to my head, why do I care?
And I guess on some level I always will. I think that people don’t realize how self absorbed they are in their lives, or so wrapped up in their own little world to realize that their are people who like to cut thorough all the bullshit, and have a real conversation. That doesn’t include hurtful jokes that are played off to be funny, or people putting on different persona’s to try and impress the people around them. It all seems so fake, although I guess that’s what I get for attending an acting school.
Sometimes I will sit there in a big group of people and not say a word. And it is interesting to see the way people bond over each other, most of which are trivial jokes. It’s like it creates this false intimacy of friendship, and if heaven forbid they should get in to a fight it all goes to hell. Because there was no substance there to begin with.
The people who I talk to on a day to day basis, who I ask how they are doing, who I talk to genuinely outside of class, if they want to hangout over the weekend, or who I can be randomly crazy with. Those are the people I care about the most, and believe me I pretty sure you know who you are. I don’t care what other people have to say about you, I take it with a grain of salt, keep my eyes open, but mostly make up my own decisions about people.
I’m at a crossroad in life, and as I go down the path of not caring (not emotionally unavailable, just don’t give a shit about every little thing anymore) I find people who I thought were friends slipping to the wayside. And surrounding myself with people who I enjoy, and I feel better about myself when I hangout with them. People tend to say I take myself too seriously, to lighten up, and maybe I do lol. But I like to think of myself as a realist, I paint a picture exactly like it is, or I guess the way I see it. I’m blunt, honest, I don’t see a need to be anything else. Those who know me best know how crazy or silly I can be.
This kinda turned into a novel lol, but I guess I just had a lot on my mind.
p.s. The quote is from Richard II