"I fell apart but got back up again" - Part 7 : Crossing Lines

As the Deftones leave the stage I look at them in awe. I’ve never been into rock music before I started touring with Mars, and my music range started and ended with 30 seconds to mars. But now the Deftones were definitely part of my favorite band list.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to Chino, he’s really nice”. Vicki doesn’t wait for my answer so I hurry behind her to the backstage. I stay a few feet away from her as she greets Chino with a big hug. “V! It’s so good to see you! Did you like our show?”. Vicki shakes her head and smiles “God! It was awesome, been too long since I saw you guys play. By the way, I think you guys have a new fan!”. Vicki turns to me and gestures for me to come stand closer. Chino follows her gaze curiously and his eyes linger on my face. “Who is this pretty lady V?”.

“This is Sam Morgan, she is Mars’s on tour journalist. She writes their tour diary for them and they try their best to educate her in life on the road.” I feel my cheeks flush as I extend Chino my hand “It’s an honor to meet you Mr. Chino.”

He barks out a laugh before pulling me into a big sweaty hug “Mr. Chino oh that’s a good one Sam.” He releases me and smiles “Did you enjoy the show?”. I shake my head eagerly and try to contain myself “One of the best shows I’ve seen so far … and I’ve only really seen Mars shows.”

“Hey now, cheater!” I hear a low voice say from behind me. Turning around I spot Jared standing behind me. “Hey, I’m just being honest Jared.” He pokes me in the side before walking over to Chino and pulling him into a hug “Good to see you dude, still on for the little surprise later?”. Chino places his arm around Jared “’Course dude, always up for some fun with you guys”.

As the two of them chat some more I look around for the rest of the guys. Vicki and Tomo or standing a bit further talking with the guitarist from the Deftones and I can’t see Shannon anywhere.

“So, how about a quick picture?” I hear Jared say. I turn around ready to take his blackberry so I can take the picture when Chino pulls me close to him “Wait … what?” He snorts looking down at me “You didn’t think I was going to have my picture taking with pinkie right there when there is a funny and gorgeous woman standing next to me? No way in hell Sam.” I see Jared roll his eyes before I place my arm around Chino’s waist “You are right buddy”. After the picture is taken I turn around and start walking towards one of the big white tents. Pretty sure I will bump into Shannon somewhere along the way. My cell phone goes off and I see I have a new tweet “Jared Leto : Chino and Sam rocking out at Edgefest”. I snort and favorite the tweet before heading to the bar for a soda.

“So, guess Mars isn’t your favorite band anymore?”. I sip my drink before turning towards Jared “But you are still my favorite front man”. Jared smiles and coughs a few time “Still coughing out your lungs?” Jared nods as we walk around the backstage looking for a quiet place to sit and enjoy the spring sunshine. “Still hasn’t left me alone, stupid cold. Hope you won’t get it as well.” I sit down and Jared takes a seat really close to me. “I hope not, really don’t wanna get sick with this kind of weather, especially not with the next days that we have off again.”

Jared takes his glasses off and leans against me “So, I’ve been wanting to ask you. Since we leave tonight for St. Louis, would you like to go out with me tomorrow?”. His blue eyes peer into my hazel ones making me forget my surroundings. His tongue licks his bottom lip making my eyes drop and watch it. I look back up as Jared brushes a strand of hair behind my ear “So?”. I smile and look down at my lap. It feels so weird being asked out after dating more than 3 years. It feels weirder than kissing another man after 3 years.

“Yes, I would love to Jared.” He smiles and kisses me lightly on the cheek before putting his sunglasses back on “Than it’s a date milady.” I lean back in my seat and cross my legs feeling uber excited about the date. “Now that smile can light up this entire festival, did you get some?”  I pull up my eyebrow as Shannon sits down next to me. “Sheesh Shannon, not everything revolves around “getting some”. He takes his seat and puts it closer to mine leaning in towards my ear “But the sexual frustration is dripping from your face Sammy, you really need to get laid and hey if Jared isn’t up for it, I am”. Before I can react Jared has left his seat and kicked Shannon’s chair making it tip and tumble backwards. Shannon goes down with the chair making me burst out in laughter. I jump up to see if he’s alright. Still sitting in his chair from on the ground Shannon looks up to me, his glasses hanging from his nose, face a bit red.

“Guess I crossed a line I shouldn’t have?” he breaths. I snort as Jared comes to stand next to me reaching him a hand “You did. Let’s not make a habit of this.” Jared pulls Shannon up right and they look at each other for a few seconds before they sit back down.

“So, what’s on the schedule for the rest of the day?” I ask taking out my little note book. Jared peers at me through his glasses before throwing a glance at his blackberry “Well we have some time off before the gig. It starts at 6ish.” I scribble down some notes. “Do you prefer gigs over festivals or the other way around?”.  Jared sits up straight “You gonna interview us now? With this weather? I was planning on going for a walk with you.” I quickly shove my notebook back in my purse and get up “Ready for my walk now”. Jared snorts before getting up and heading more further down the backstage leaving Shannon behind “Yea, don’t mind me, I’m just gonna entertain myself over here !” he shouts at us.

I never knew the backstage of a festival could be this big. We have been walking for a good 10 minutes and we still haven’t reached the farthest end. Here and there little white tents have been spread around with a few chairs underneath them. Jared pulls one out for me, gesturing me to sit down. I do so and he places a seat right in front of me. After he’s sat down he pulls me legs up and rests them on his lap. I cock my head and look at him with a curious look. He grabs one of my feet and take of my ballerina placing it on the ground. His fingers slightly run over my bare foot before massaging it.

“Just relax will you, I’m not going to bite you.” Jared whispers. I hadn’t noticed that my body was all tense from his touch so I exhale and let my body relax in the chair.

I close my eyes and enjoy the foot rub. It’s hard to focus on his hands on my foot while my insides are exploding. One simple touch to a very a-sexual place and I’m already all over the place.

Maybe Shannon was right. I am frustrated to no end. And I adore Jared for wanting to wait and going out on a real date. But I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to contain myself.

I moan slightly when Jared applies a bit more pressure on my foot “Anyone every tell you you give great foot rubs.” I hear him stifle a laugh and open one eye “I’ve been known to give a mean massage Sammy”. I snort and let Jared take off my other ballerina and rub the other foot.

“You know, I could stay here like this for the rest of the day Sammy, just enjoying the weather … and your company.” I nod my head “I couldn’t agree more.” Jared’s hands leave my feet and slowly travel up to my calves resting on my knees. My head shoots up and I sit up straight only inches away from Jared. Hesitantly I reach out for his sunglasses and slowly take them from his face putting them on the ground next to me. “I really hate talking to you when you wear glasses. It makes it so much harder to read you.”

Jared’s eyes twinkle with pleasure “So you can read me huh ?” His lips inch closer to mine “What am I thinking about right now.” I swallow hard looking into his eyes “About how desperately you want me.” Jared nods his head and pulls back, his hands still resting on my knees “Very good Sammy.” I huff and lean back in my chair as well. “I … where is this all leading to Jared? Don’t you find it strange?” I look around to see if anyone is close, but we are still alone “We kiss, and get worked up. We sleep in the same bed but we aren’t dating. I know I need time but it confuses me. What are we? We are more than friends … but obviously we aren’t lovers. I … I want some clarity.” Jared nods his head and leans in again “If you are patient and can wait till tomorrow, you’ll find out exactly where we are at and what we are”. He brushes his lips against mine lightly before pulling back entirely and going back to rubbing my feet. “You do my head sometimes Jared.”

He sniggers “Yea, I’m known for doing that as well aren’t I?”

When we catch back up with the others there’s still little over an hour left till they need to take the stage.

“Hope you’re starving” Shannon hands me a little plate with pasta and I smile “Hey, mind reader. How did you know.”

He grins and winks “It’s one of my gifts” he plops down on a chair opposite of me and stretches “It’s delicious, I could eat all of it.”

I chuckle and poke the piece of skin that now was showing as he stretched. “I’m sure you can.”

He rubs his belly and pokes out his tongue “So where’s my brother, what have you done to him? He still is in one piece is he” he arches a brow

“Oh quit it Shannon” I mumble taking a bite “Your jokes are getting old” I point my fork at him and look around to see who was near “Absolutely nothing happened last night” I say with a soft voice.

He grins and bites his lip “Maybe not last night but…”

I huff and roll my eyes “You’re such a lost cause Shannon.” I shake my head at him and he laughs “Only figured that out now? Sammy sammy…”

“Talking about Shannon? Oh don’t bother… he’s too far gone” Jared playfully nudges him.

I giggle as the two brothers break into a playful brotherly fight and continue eating my pasta.

When I’ve finished, I follow the guys as they head to the stage and make their preparations for their set. Jared fumbles with his leather jacket as he watches the crowd as the guy announces them. Jared takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, resting his head back. “You’ve got them all eating out of your hand once you’re on that stage” I whisper and he peeks an eye open, looking at me, a soft grin tugging his lips. “Oh I know.”

I chuckle and move closer, running my hand through his hair, carefully not to mess his Mohawk up. I bite my lip and a soft laugh escapes his lip “Sammy what’s up?”

“Those are awfully tight jeans Jared” I arch a brow and can’t hide the devilish look in my eyes. He grins and leans in close “You been staring at my ass, miss?”

“Oh…Amongst things” I burst into a laugh and wiggle my eyebrows as Tomo claps his hands together and gives Vicki a kiss “Time to go!” he yells when ‘O Fortuna’ starts playing.

“I think I’m gonna be sick of you two if I’m going to have to watch this much longer” Tim playfully rolls his eyes as he heads on stage right after Tomo.

“Oh this is going to be amusing. We haven’t even properly started yet and I already spot Boobies.” Shannon points at the crowd as he taps my ass with one of his drumsticks and wiggles his eyebrows “Maybe you should flash Jared from the side” his laughter roars my ears as he takes a sprint to his kit when Jared shoots him a deadly glare. “Don’t you dare” Jared points at me, his blue eyes glaring at me with intense seriousness as he walks towards the center of the stage.

“Texas how the fuck are you doing!?” He yells and walks over to Shannon’s kit pointing and mouthing something at him, I can’t really make out what, but it obviously has to do with his remark a few minutes ago. Shannon laughs and rolls his eyes at his brother. I can spot Tim sniggering at the incident between the two as Jared turns around and asks the crowd to jump.

I noticed Shannon throwing me a glance in between Night of the Hunter and Attack, which I kindly reply with a smile, a middle finger and mouthed fuck you. I could hear his amusing laughter filling my ears and I shake my head. “He’s like a five year old.” I sigh and Vicki laughs

Hearing the crowd singing along with the acoustic part of the kill gives me goose bumps. I can’t help but laugh when Jared roams the crowd to see which way to head when they’d break into full band. The guys break into full band and Jared jumps into the crowd, making it completely impossible to track him, even with the neon pomegranate Mohawk. I decide to turn my eyes back to Tim, Braxton, Tomo and Shannon on stage and will pick up on Jared whenever he’s appeared again.

Suddenly the music stops and it goes quiet “Hold on, hold on” I scan the crowd to search for Jared. When I spot a few security guards running around like headless chickens I know I’m not far off and it doesn’t take long before my eyes land on a pink Mohawk. “It would be my pleasure for everyone to Welcome Chino from the Deftones on stage to join Thirty Seconds to Mars!”.

I turn around with big eyes and catch Chino grab a microphone and run on stage.

He throws his hand up in the air and waves at the crowd. Tim gives him a fist bump and seems uber-excited about this whole thing. It seems that Shannon has a quick talk through with Chino and Tomo walks over to them to catch up, it doesn’t take longer then a few seconds before they pick up where they left off. And Chino starts along with the crowd as Jared makes his way back to the stage as Chino continues singing the song. I fish my blackberry out of my jeans and snap a shot as Jared joins Chino on stage to finish the song. It is great to see the energy coming from the both of them and you can tell all of them are having a great time.

“That is awesome” I gaze at Vicki and she smiles “I told you.”

I save the picture to post it on twitter when the guys have ended their set.

I plop down on a seat in the bus and laugh as Shannon dives on a seat behind me. “Edgefest was great.” He says. I look at him over the backrest of my seat and grin “Cause you saw a lot of boobies?”

He hits my seat with quite some force and rolls his eyes “Hey weren’t you going to show some skin from the side stage?”

“Oh you fucking wish Leto” I slap him hard and he breaks in a laugh “I’m getting attacked here.”

“You brought that on yourself” Tim laughs and shakes his head “Entertainment for the evening has started. Tomo wanna place some bets?”

“Kelleher I swear… As if you would have protested against some skin” Shannon points at him and I crawl over the backrest of my chair “Shannon you child, my god. If one person needs to get laid its you” I hiss and he laughs as we get in a struggle. “What you gonna do Sammy, oh what you gonna do. I’m stronger then you.”

“Let her go Shannon” Jared’s voice echo’s through the bus and his arm lock around me loosens in a split second. “Pus” I giggle at him and poke Shannon in his side as I get up from his hold.

“We’re having a stop at Whole Foods before we drive to Saint Louis” Jared says. “Drive? No flying?” I lean against the cabinets and give him a confused look.

He nods “It’s quite the long drive but there’s barely traffic on the roads at night and we’ll arrive around noon, it’s doable, life on the road Sammy” he winks and heads upstairs. My eyes travel to Shannon who has an amused look on his face. “Aren’t you just the cutest” I roll my eyes and upload the picture from earlier onto twitter.

As we arrive at the supermarket I grab my hoodie from the couch and run down the bus catching up with Jared and Shannon, while the others stay on the bus.

A soft giggle escapes my lips as an older guy, around his 60-ies throws a weird look our way. I couldn’t blame him, how often do you see a guy with a pomegranate Mohawk walk across the parking lot of Whole Food’s?

“Where are you going?” My eyes follow Jared as he walks the opposite direction of the shopping carts right in front of us. I glance at Shannon who shrugs and takes a cart from the line. “Don’t try to figure him out Sammy, it’ll only give you a headache” he softly laughs as he walks over to the fruits and vegetables.

“Oh my god, JARED!” I eye him with big eyes as he drives over in an electric mobility scooter. “Seriously?” I cross my arms “What happened to your legs, pretty boy?” I arch a brow. “That’s for disabled customers” I poke him in the side rolling my eyes

“Stage injuries can be such a pain sometimes and make shopping SO difficult” he snorts and a chuckle escapes his lips.

“I can’t even…” I rummage through my purse looking for my blackberry and hit the camera button “this is so going online” I whisper as I snap a short film of Jared maneuvering his way around the store.

“Oops, this is harder then I thought” he looks at me over his sunglasses and softly laughs as he backs up after bumping into one of the aisles. “Oh for the love…” I burry my face in my hand and shake my head. “This shopping trip is not going by unnoticed, you know” I hiss as several people have stopped dead in their tracks, turned their heads and numerous glances have been thrown our way.

“Lighten up Sammy” he says “Jared!” I can’t suppress a soft scream as he pulls me by the waist on his lap and holds me tightly with one arm as he drives over to Shannon.

As we arrive Shannon wiggles his eyebrows and pulls a face. He spastically flops his arms next to his body in sync to the song on the radio and I rest my head against the steering of Jared’s scooter “It’s like taking kids shopping.” I sigh.

Shannon laughs and puts several things in his cart. “All madness aside, we haven’t got all night.” He pushes his cart so it has some speed and jumps on the back.

I notice an elderly lady gazing at me with her mouth slightly parted, her eyes trail from me to Jared, then to his hair, she frowns and then back to me. I softly laugh as I get off Jared’s lap and back on my own two feet. “Ahem Jared, drive on.” I tap his shoulder and throw her a soft smile. She huffs and shakes her head rolling her eyes “Teenagers these days.” She sighs and pushes her cart walking on.

Biting my lip to not burst in a laugh I quickly walk on the catch up with the brothers. You can certainly say a normal thing as shopping got entertaining with them two.

Shannon peers in a box stashed with Salami rolls and looks at me wiggling his eyebrows as he takes one out and stashes it underneath his shirt.

“I’m not even going to give you a comment on that” I softly laugh “Look why don’t I leave you guys to get whatever you need and meet you back at the entrance okay?” I say and decide to go shop for a few things on my own, which was impossible with the two Leto’s distracting me with their behavior.

I smile as I watch both of them head towards me with two paper bags in their hands “Ah so you managed to get everything you needed without getting thrown out then.”

Shannon laughs and pats me on the back “Gotta have some fun once and a while Sammy” he winks as we head to the bus.

When everyone gets back on the bus Jared and Shannon start unloading their grocery’s. I go sit at one of the tables and pull out a pack of twizzlers. As soon as I have opened the package it gets pulled out of my hands. “Shannon … seriously give me back my twizzlers.” The way he looks at me tells me he isn’t going to give them back without some sort of fight. As I start getting up from my seat Shannon pulls out the tops of all the twizzlers and brings them to his mouth “I really Love Twizzlers Sammy, you have no idea”.

I shoot a glance at Jared who is enjoying this way too much. “Shannon …’” my threat is left hanging in the air when he puts all the twizzlers in his mouth sucking and licking them. “Oh you are such a whore!”. Shannon stares at me with his mouth open. I can hear the other guys snigger in the back “What did you just call me?” Shannon roars placing the twizzlers on the counter and stalking towards me.

I turn my head looking for a spot the run and hide so I start heading to the back of the bus “Oh you better run Morgan, shit is going down now!”. I scream when I hear his footsteps coming closer and hide in my bunk. I grab my pillow trying to muffle my sped up breathing. “Come out come out wherever you are” Shannon whispers passing my bunk. I exhale when I hear him move further down the bus.

Suddenly the curtain gets pulled back and I’m dragged out of the bunk “GOT YA, told you I’d find ya.” Shannon pulls me out and places me on the floor. I take my pillow and start hitting him wherever I can “Oh feels like a massage Sammy, please keep going” Shannon laughs as he starts tickling me “SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE” I shout. I see Jared’s head pops up and he stares at us “Very sorry Sammy, but you deserve this punishment”. My mouth drops and I hurl my pillow at Jared’s head while trying to get away from Shannon’s grabby hands. Jared laughs and grabs my pillow disappearing to the lower part of the bus. “Ugh, why did I agree on touring with a bunch of lunatic brothers?”. Shannon stops for a second before he continues his tickle attack. The sudden tearing sound makes him pulls back. I whip my head down and see my tank top is ripped all the way from my chest down to the edge. As I try to sit up straight Shannon tries franticly to get away from. When I try to sit up his hand is resting on one side of the tank top making it fall down entirely. My hands shoot up to my exposed bra and I feel my head turn red “MY GOD SHANNON WHY DID YOU DO THAT” I yell feeling very embarrassed. Shannon stares at me, face blank not knowing how to react.  “I … I … I guess I was being too violent and your tank top can’t handle it?” He sniggers and takes off his shirt throwing it to me “Here, put this on”. I glare at him and quickly pull the way to big shirt over my head.

I crawl to the wall and pull my legs up to my chest taking the destroyed tank top in my hands “Seriously dude, you have some strength tearing my tank top from my body.”

Shannon sits down next to me and pulls me closer to him “I’m so sorry for destroying your top Sammy.” I takes it in his hands before looking at me “I promise I will get you a new one”. I shrug and lean in against his shoulder “Nah, it’s fine, was an old top anyway, guess that’s why the fabric gave away this easily.”

Shannon wiggles his eyebrows and leans in “Nah, it’s just my manly whore-powers making is easy to rip women’s clothing apart”. I slap his chest and giggle “Guess you got some skin after all didn’t you?”.

After sitting and talking with Shannon for a bit I get up and walk to the front of the bus looking for my overnight back. Jared’s look is confused as he spots me wearing Shannon’s Tee and Shannon standing in the doorway shirtless. “Do I even dare ask what went down?”.  I pull the torn tank top from Shannon and place it in Jared’s lap. “My punishment I guess, Shannon tore my top apart.” I grab my night bag and head towards my bunk so I can change and give Shannon his shirt back.

While I’m changing in my bunk I can hear Jared and Shannon arguing. I step out of my bunk and place the folded shirt on Shannon’s pillow. It’s hard not trying to listen in on the convo so I walk to the furthest part of the bus and go through my notes. Tomo, Vicki and Tim walk in and say goodnight before getting in their bunks. After a while the argument has stopped. I look up when I hear some footsteps near me. Shannon walks over to me and crouches down “Look you and Jared need to have a good talk about your relationship … night Sam.” He kisses me on the head and gets in his bunk.

I scratch my head  and walk towards the front of the bus. Jared is sitting at one of the tables with a notebook in front of him and my tank top in his left hand.

I sit down next to him and take the tank top from him “What’s wrong? Did you and Shannon have a fight.” Jared doesn’t immediately look up from the notebook so I place my hand on his knee “Jared?”. He drops his pen and looks at me “Look, I’m going to be honest with you. I’m a very patient guy and I endure a lot, but there is a side of me you don’t know. I can get very jealous and today, I think I finally reached the point where I can say I’m jealous.” I look at him not understanding. He places his hand on mine before speaking again “I know you and Shannon have had this special relationship from the beginning and I’m okay with that cause It’s been like this even before you and I … . But, lately, Shannon’s behavior has changed. You might not have noticed it but I have. I’ve seen this more than once.”. I shake my head and lean into Jared “I don’t understand Jared … “.

“Shannon likes you okay? He likes you more then he should, and the teasing comes from that place, not all of it, but some of it. And the fact he just tore your top apart like that tells me he’s already crossed a line.”

I have a hard time suppressing my laugh making Jared frown. I place my hand against his cheek and lean in further “Look, Shannon has never tried anything with me, except the time at the club, but he was drunk. I know I haven’t been around Shannon my entire life like you have, but I know when I’m getting hit on okay? It’s all play from his side and mine, believe me. I have zero intentions of ever hooking up with Shannon. “ Jared sighs and squeezes my hand “He’s not my type anyway, I don’t go for the toned, masculine drummer type”. Jared snorted and places his hand in my hair pulling me closer.

“I … I really can’t wait till tomorrow so we can go on our first real date.” I place my forehead against his “I don’t get that Jared. What’s so special about that date anyway?”. His lips inch closer to mine “Cause after tomorrow, this, us can officially start and then no one can come between us. You will be mine and no one else’s”.

He softly places his lips on mine, sucking my bottom lip in and nibbling on it lightly before pulling back “Hmmm, sounds promising” I muse before resting my head against his shoulder. He places his hand on my back and starts rubbing it “You have no idea” he whispers in my ear making me shiver.

Jared and I stay seated like that for a while before we decide it’s time to bed. As I crawl into my bunk Jared leans against it and kisses me goodnight “Sweet dreams Sammy, rest up for tomorrow! Will be a day filled with fun.” I nod my head and kiss him on the lips again before pulling the curtain shut.

When I glance at my clock I see it’s already 3 am and I haven’t had any sleep yet. I sigh and turn around rubbing my eyes. I know why I can’t sleep, it’s simple and there is only one solution to it.

I open the curtain and grab my pillow before I hop out of the bunk. On my tippytoes I walk over to Jared’s bunk and quickly get in. “Sammy? Is that you?” Jared whispers. I make my way over to him, placing my pillow next to his and lying down. I caress  his chest and place a soft kiss against his shoulder “I don’t really like sleeping alone anymore … not since it’s starting to feel good waking up next to you”. I hear Jared giggle slightly before wrapping his arms around me. “Feels good doesn’t it, having a warm body to snuggle up against instead of the cold sheets.” I suppress a yawn and nod my head “Nothing like it Jared.” I say, my voice already thick with the lingering sleep.

“Goodnight Sammy”. He strokes my hair softly and I feel sleep washing over me.

“You have no idea how much I love you” he whispers. My brain doesn’t really register the words as I fall asleep.

Scientific Fact #26: WE PRETEND WE CAN KEEP THINGS IN, OR OUT

Boundaries: I don’t usually like them. I feel like boundaries are the demarcated lines around a body at a crime scene, saying “you died here.” I want to urge that body: flail a little bit.  I want to rub the circulation back into that flat chalk line and say  now’s your chance: go.

For pity’s sake, let’s be brave this time.