a compiled list of my favorite posts in the "cosmo tips" tag

• Right before climaxing with your female partner, scream at the top of your lungs “Go Go Gadget, Ejaculate!” 
• After a handjob, use the semen on your fingers to wipe across his forehead as you whisper, ‘Simba…’
• if he comes before you, run away while screaming “curse you perry the platypus”
• Fuck a republican, get pregnant, and see how fast he turns pro-choice
• When eating your partner, tell them that they taste good but not better than a dead baby. 
• When he gets his pants off, point and sing “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me” 
• Put a doughnut over his penis and eat it off slowly while licking the tip occasionally, that should get him extra hard and wanting to fuck even more.
• Fake an English accent during your encounter and when you are about to reach climax scream ‘the British are coming, the British are coming’
• After taking his virginity he has kept for religious reasons, lean in close to him and whisper “Where’s your God now?” 
• Secretly use super glue instead of lube so you can be together forever
• If you are going down on a girl, make sure to go down on her like a fat kid that hasn’t eaten food in a month
• During sex, surprise him with an extremely sexy orgasm moan by making the THX theme sound at the top of your lungs
• When you’re about to put it in, whisper, “Objects are larger than they appear”
• as you near your climax, count down from 10 and then yell “ready or not, here i come”
• The first time he tries to touch you, slap his hand away and shout ‘UNHAND ME PEASANT’.
• WARNING: Asians will moan answers to math problems during climax. 
• When your partner says “Tell me what you want” reply with “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, really, really wanna zigazig ah”