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a compiled list of my favorite posts in the "cosmo tips" tag
- Right before climaxing with your female partner, scream at the top of your lungs “Go Go Gadget, Ejaculate!”
- After a handjob, use the semen on your fingers to wipe across his forehead as you whisper, ‘Simba…’
- if he comes before you, run away while screaming “curse you perry the platypus”
- Fuck a republican, get pregnant, and see how fast he turns pro-choice
- When eating your partner, tell them that they taste good but not better than a dead baby.
- When he gets his pants off, point and sing “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me”
- Put a doughnut over his penis and eat it off slowly while licking the tip occasionally, that should get him extra hard and wanting to fuck even more.
- Fake an English accent during your encounter and when you are about to reach climax scream ‘the British are coming, the British are coming’
- After taking his virginity he has kept for religious reasons, lean in close to him and whisper “Where’s your God now?”
- Secretly use super glue instead of lube so you can be together forever
- If you are going down on a girl, make sure to go down on her like a fat kid that hasn’t eaten food in a month
- During sex, surprise him with an extremely sexy orgasm moan by making the THX theme sound at the top of your lungs
- When you’re about to put it in, whisper, “Objects are larger than they appear”
- as you near your climax, count down from 10 and then yell “ready or not, here i come”
- The first time he tries to touch you, slap his hand away and shout ‘UNHAND ME PEASANT’.
- WARNING: Asians will moan answers to math problems during climax.
- When your partner says “Tell me what you want” reply with “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, really, really wanna zigazig ah”