ALRIGHT, I'M GOING TO WALK YOU THROUGH THE BRAHMS VIOLIN CONCERTO.

FIRST MOVEMENT, OPENING:

OH MY GOSH I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DOING THIS I’M PLAYING BRAHMS AND IT’S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH UP BEFORE THE CADENZA:

FINISHING THE CADENZA WRITTEN BY JOACHIM, AND THEN FINDING OUT YOU DON’T GET A BREAK:

AND THEN FINDING OUT THAT AS A REWARD, BRAHMS GAVE YOU FINGERED TENTHS TO PLAY. TO GET TO THE END OF THE MOVEMENT. THANKS BRAHMS, SAID NOBODY EVER:

SO NOW YOU’VE FINISHED THE FIRST MOVEMENT. ONLY TWO MORE TO GO!

AND YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH, TRY NOT TO CRY, AND TURN TO MOVEMENT TWO. OH LOOK, BRAHMS WAS BEAUTIFUL AND KIND AND GAVE YOU THIS GIANT OBOE SOLO WITH WHICH TO CALM YOU DOWN AND REST YOURSELF.

BY THIS TIME, YOUR HAND IS SUCH A MESS THAT WHEN IT’S TIME FOR YOUR ENTRANCE, YOU’RE TREMBLING. GOOD THING, TOO, BECAUSE THIS MOVEMENT IS SUPPOSED TO BE SMOOTH AND GORGEOUS.

BUT THEN IT’S OKAY, BECAUSE THE SECOND MOVEMENT PUTS ITSELF TOGETHER FAIRLY WELL. AND YOU’RE LIKE OKAY, THIS IS GOOD. I’LL SURVIVE. YOU FINISH THE SECOND MOVEMENT. AND GUESS WHAT?

NO ORCHESTRAL INTERLUDE FOR YOU TO REST YOU GET TO START THE THIRD MOVEMENT OKAY

AND THE THIRD MOVEMENT REQUIRES A LOT OF ENERGY. WHICH YOU DO NOT HAVE, BECAUSE WHO WOULD HAVE ENERGY AFTER THE FIRST MOVEMENT? SO YOU SUFFER THROUGH THE ENTIRE THIRD MOVEMENT, AND THEN YOU GET TO YOUR ACTUAL SOLO AND IT’S SUPPOSED TO SOUND HEAVENLY AND ALL YOU CAN THINK IS OH MY GOD I NEED TO FINISH IN ONE PIECE AND ALIVE AND SO THEN THIS HAPPENS

AND THEN YOU HIT THE TEMPO CHANGE AND SHIT GETS FASTER? GDI

AND YOU RACE YOUR ENTIRE WAY TO THE END. AND THEN YOU’RE DONE. AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY YOU ARE SO HAPPY, OR WHY YOU’D DO IT AGAIN, BUT YOU’RE DONE.

THE END. YOU’VE NOW METAPHORICALLY PLAYED THE ENTIRE BRAHMS VIOLIN CONCERTO. NOW GO LISTEN TO IT BECAUSE IT’S THE GREATEST.